As a LMU student, I was privileged with the opportunity to attend a Campus Ministry retreat known as Kairos. Before I go into depth about my experience, I have to share a little secret with you; I had my reservations about attending this retreat because I am not religious. With Kairos being referred to as "God's Time," I feared I would be not accepted into the community. After attending the retreat, I learned that I was very wrong; Campus Ministry is a welcoming and accepting community.
It is difficult to describe what Kairos is exactly, because the retreat experience is different for each person. There is an unspoken rule among retreaters, however, that what specifically occurs on Kairos remains a secret. This aspect of the retreat makes the overall experience much more sacred. Therefore, with these factors, I will try to describe my experience to the best of my abilities. The best way to understand Kairos, after all, is by attending the retreat yourself and creating your own experience.
For me, Kairos was a healing journey that helped me regain confidence in my individuality, which came at a much-needed time in my life. It taught me to open my heart and mind, a lesson that I carried to my study abroad experience the following semester. Without Kairos, I firmly believe that my study abroad experience would not have been the same. Everyone says that Kairos comes into your life at a perfect time, and I did not realize the full effect until months after the retreat.
I can vividly recall a moment during the retreat in which a cold breeze swept across my back as I stared out into the darkness of the night. Even though I could not make out everything in front of me, I was still fully aware of my surroundings. As I stood outside as a new person, I realized that what I was seeing in front of me is similar to the journey of life. We cannot see where we are going in life or what curve balls life will throw at us next. This is an intimidating thought, but Kairos reminded me that with hope and love, the journey does not have to be so scary.
As stated above, I was standing outside as a new person. For a while, I stopped being true to who I am in order to protect myself. I locked myself inside a tiny box, heavily guarded with steel and a lock due to broken friendships and a fear of getting hurt. Kairos unlocked this box by teaching me that I am loved by others, by God, and most importantly, that I am loved by myself. Self-love is a powerful healer, for it teaches you that you do not need to seek out acceptance from others. All you need to do is accept yourself.
After this self-discovery and newfound love, I felt compelled to pray out loud to God, something I had never done before. This was a magical moment for me and was the absolute highlight of my Kairos experience. During the retreat, I kept a journal and here are the exact words I used to describe my prayer to God:
"Today, I prayed out loud to God for the first time. I did not ask for anything. Instead, I thanked him for blessing me and for bringing me on this retreat. I never felt so blessed and loved in my entire life, and I thank Him for giving me lovely angels to help open my eyes to the fact that I am surrounded by love. I am at peace with myself, something I have not felt for a while. I do not want to leave Kairos and hope this feeling lasts. If not, I hope this entry will serve as a reminder of the journey I have taken on Kairos."
Now, if you have not gone on Kairos, I encourage you to do so. No matter what religious background you come from, you will be accepted and loved. My wish for you is that I hope Kairos is just as moving as it was for me, or even more. For those of you who have been on Kairos: live the fourth.
