For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with body image and being able to accept the way I look. It started when I was little, I remember noticing the differences between me and my friends. I was always the bigger one. And I never knew how to deal with that in a healthy way. I resorted to doing things to try and fit in, working out, dieting, and eventually, hurting myself. None of these things helped me and I was later diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety. I thought that no one would love me because of how I looked and in order for someone to love me, I needed to change every aspect of my body. I sometimes think that now. It wasn’t until I got to college and met some really lovely people that I started to play with the idea of loving myself.
When I started this new chapter of my life, I was scared. I told myself that I would start working out, doing my makeup everyday, dress nice, and just be happy. These things are a lot harder than they seem sometimes. Having clinical depression and anxiety means that sometimes it’s really hard to get out of bed and start the day. So even putting on jeans and a nice top instead of sweatpants and a sweatshirt was a huge accomplishment. But even with those little victories, I still hated the way I looked. I started comparing myself to everyone I saw. I had resorted to my old ways. It broke me down and ripped me apart. I was struggling alone and I had to will myself to be better than that.
I had joined Oddline, a tradition (similar to a sorority) that is unique to my college, and through Oddline, I met some of my best friends and most influential people I’ve ever known. In this sisterhood, I was now a part of, I realized that there are a lot of people just like me and people that would help. These girls had become my best friends, my confidants, my family. I felt like belonged here. I still do.
There were several people that had helped me start my self-love journey, but a few stood out to me. I saw their courageous Instagram posts of their beautiful, naked bodies and it inspired me to love myself like they do. But it wasn’t that easy. I couldn’t just wake up one day and say “I am perfectly content with myself, the way that I am” because that’s not how I operate. But I was willing to try. I wanted to love myself and I wanted to create a positive mindset.
I still went through ups and downs and I even thought that I couldn’t do it. But the more I see my friends love themselves, it gives me the confidence to love myself. I’ve started to appreciate my curves and I now know that my stretch marks are natural. I try not to discourage myself and instead embrace my differences because my differences make me unique. My friends encourage me to continue to love myself and be positive about my body and I hope that one day I will leave my negative thoughts behind.
And that is my hope for anyone that doesn’t appreciate their body. Your skin is yours and it is something that you should love no matter what. You can ink it, cut it, damage it, tarnish it, discolor it, but it is still YOUR skin. And when you start to love your body and every part of it, that’s when you can become your true self. I’m not there yet but I will be and I can’t wait for that day.
