When thinking about myself in the past, the words fat, ugly, and unworthy came to mind. Today, when I think about myself, the words beautiful, priceless, and loved come to mind. This story is about the struggle I faced with loving myself and how I was able to overcome
Just about all my life, my weight has been a struggle. As a small child, I was a decent weight, maybe even a little under weight. I was a very picky eater but sweets were my best friend. Sadly, their name is deceiving. They may taste sweet, but their results are sour. As I hit adolescence, I started to pack on some pounds. It was almost inevitable, as the weight genes run in my family. Throughout middle school, I didn’t let it bother me. Probably because everyone is awkward at that point in time.
Once I hit high school, I hit a low. I began not liking my appearance or myself. I felt unworthy of having a guy like me. I would avoid mirrors, and any sort of attention. Occasionally, my parents would say something or someone would make a comment. I know they didn’t mean to hurt me, but words really stick with you. I became depressed, anxious, and so unhappy. When college came around, I realized I needed to build myself up and add a little bit of confidence to my personality. I couldn't keep living my life in such a miserable way.
With college though, came the freshman 15, late night snacking, bad sleeping habits and dining hall food. If that wasn't bad enough, I had to watch my friends eat twice as much as I did, but never gain a pound. I could eat half as less as they did and put on two pounds. I lost hope in my weight and myself. I scolded myself for becoming this way and becoming “fat.”
During this rough time, I even had a guy tell me he wasn’t physically attracted to me because I was carrying a few extra pounds. I now realize that wasn’t right by any means, but at the time I took it to heart and began hating myself more.
Recently, I have had a change in heart and have reached a breakthrough. I turned to one of my favorite past times, YouTube, and came across some curvy girls who make beauty videos. They show you how you can properly dress your curves and how to accept yourself. They are so gorgeous and so confident and I realized that, no matter what your size is, you can be happy and feel beautiful.
Day by day I am learning to love my curves more and more and I realize that God gave them to me. By not loving myself, I am doing a great injustice to God, because this body is not mine, but it is his. I know living in a world surrounded by skinny models, weight loss plans and a skinny body being ideal, is anything but easy.
Honestly, that’s not what matters. What matters is that you are happy with yourself. I want you to stop reading this and do me a favor. Go take a look in the mirror and tell yourself that YOU are beautiful, because you are. I see it and God sees it.
Learning to love yourself can open up so many doors. By learning to love my curves I’m actually healthier. I exercise more often, but it’s because I am not trying to kill myself in order to drop pounds. I now enjoy exercise more and focus on what I’m doing and not what’s going to come from it. I also have a healthier relationship with myself and I take what others say with a grain of salt because this is my body and not theirs. Who knows, one day, I may be able to drop several pounds or maybe even 50, but I’ll never forget where I started, what it taught me and how I grew. This body has been with me through everything, from the many beatings it has taken due to my clumsiness or the firsts, like learning to ride a bike or graduating high school. No matter what, your body is always with you and will always be a part of you. Big, little, short, tall, skinny, curvy, whatever you are, don’t forget who you are and whose you are. We are all beautiful and unique in our own way. We deserve to love ourselves as God loves us.
"For you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." -1 Corinthians 6:20
