I don’t know how to date, and I suck at it.
It’s not that I choose the wrong guys, and it's also not because of the unspoken set of bullshit "dating rules" that I don't understand. Something has always just been missing.
Looking back on all the guys I've dated, I realized that it’s hard for me to completely give myself emotionally or physically to someone that’s not committed to me. It’s rare and difficult for me to do that even a little, because I'm someone who wants to give my absolute all to someone or nothing at all.
That mentality has resulted in me seeming "cold" or that I'm "playing games," when in reality, I was just confused and didn't know how to handle myself in the "we're not officially dating but we're dating" phase.
I think that's why I'm bad at this. I get uncomfortable in that phase because what's really being accomplished there? Nothing really.
This doesn't mean that I want to go straight to commitment when I like someone. I obviously need to know the basics about them, how they operate, and if there’s compatibility between us. But I personally don’t need all of someone to know I want to be in a relationship with them.
I don’t need to “test drive the car before buying it,” if you know what I mean (if you don't, you're too young to be reading this.) Because if I really like someone, everything else will truly be great for me no matter what.
Not to mention, good “driving” is something that's practiced and learned. Just because someone isn’t great at it now, doesn’t mean they’ll never be.
It seems to me that a lot of people want someone’s love and body first, and then maybe commitment down the road. Is it just me that thinks that’s an illogical way of thinking?
Because the way I think is, what did this person do to deserve all of me? Buy me a couple dinners? Tell me that I’m pretty? I love food and compliments, everybody does, but I need things like consistency, dependability, and commitment.
If I feel this way, you may wonder why I still go out on dates. What’s the point right? The answer is, even if I hold relatively serious views on the topic of dating, I don’t take the process so seriously. It's still a great, fun way to figure out what you want in someone, and more importantly what you don’t want in someone.
Another reason why I don't take dating so seriously is because I’m aware that most guys my age can’t offer the things I want right now, and that’s okay.
I don’t think guys are shitty for not being consistent or dependable because sometimes, guys just don’t have a damn clue what they’re doing when it comes to girls.
Dating is a long, sometimes exhausting process, but now I’m able to define pretty much exactly what attracts me to someone. It keeps me from investing time in the wrong people, and it allows me to put more effort into the right ones.