I have read and heard about different coping mechanisms for many years, and I find them very interesting. One in particular that I have found myself using is the writing of letters. I write them when a person, situation, or thing make me feel some kind of strong emotion. Usually, this emotion is negative but I have written letters when I am extremely happy The happy ones I sometimes send, the negative ones I don't.

This is a letter I have been sitting on for a while. I wrote it several years ago, but have never had the courage to share it with anyone. I found it again recently and it drove me to tears. It's a letter that helped me realize some things about my depression. I remember this note taking hours and and many starts and stops. While it may be nothing revolutionary, or exciting, it is one more step of undoing the stigmatization of mental illness.

I tell people all the time that they shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed, and it's about time I "talk the talk."

TRIGGER WARNING: Frank talk about depression and anxiety. This letter was not changed from when I wrote it originally and it might sound awkward.

"Dear Depression,

I have a name for you now. It's sad that I have been dealing with you for years, but you never gave me your name. A counselor and a psych class clued me in, no thanks to you. Now that I have your name.

Screw you Depression.

Your visit this last week was so unexpected that I didn't know what to say! You tend to pop in at the most unconventional times. If you could give me more warning, I would appreciate it. Also, I know you think those thoughts of inadequacy and doubt are warnings but no. They don't count.

I just really don't need this right now, OK? You can walk out the door whenever you want. Don't I have enough on my plate? Of course, you would say no. "What would you do without thinking that your friends are annoyed by you?" you'd say. Well you can shove it. Even if that's true, my friends would let me know somehow. I think.

But I can't think like that.

You repeat an audio track that only I can hear. You are the worst parts of me, on display. You take my greatest worries and anxieties, paint them on the walls of my subconscious and leave me there to stare at them. I don't want to view this macabre art show, but locked in my brain they're always there behind my eyes.

But the worst part is knowing that you can come uninvited at any time. You leave for a while, and I think that maybe I am better. Maybe I am cured and I don't have to worry about you anymore. And then you turn up like a bad ex and spoil everything. Screw you for making me feel normal, if only for a little while.

And yet, I don't completely hate you. And I find that strange. I should hate you, Depression, but I can't bring myself to.

Somehow you made me realize that I can't hate you. I like to think I'm a positive person, at least 70 percent of the time. I think I really get that the journey is greater than the destination. Because it doesn't matter if you come back. I will turn out fine.

I will experience sadness and frustration, but I will learn something from you, just like I do with everything.

So before you leave, I would like to say something else to you. I want to thank you.

Thank you for making me find new things to enjoy. Without you, I would never have thought to listen to books on tape, I would never have started listening to podcasts. I actually really love these things.

Thanks for making me turn to my friends and family more. I appreciate them to such a large extent now, that I can't even put it into words. The love I have for them has been magnified but what you have made me think, do, and feel.

Thank you for allowing me to be more empathetic. I have now had conversations about you and your relatives with strangers and friends alike. You made me realize that I am not alone in my struggles. Having you around made me realize that crawling out of my skin with worry, feeling so inadequate at everything that I just wanted to sleep all day and never come out, none of this is normal.

You made me feel alone, but also made me realize that I wasn't alone. And it's that a conundrum.

Even though you hate me Depression, I think I love you--even just a little.

So when you do come back- and I know you will--bring it on. I can take you.

I am stronger than I think.

Sam"