Dear Mr. Uber Driver,
This is super embarrassing. I still feel uncomfortable even mentioning this, and I can’t imagine how awkward this event was for you. However, I feel the urge to apologize for the actions that led up to you feeling the need to ban me from Uber. This means I can no longer pay for or even order rides off of the popular app. If I was in your place, I also would have banned me, however I must explain that there were conditions that led up to this situation. So here goes. I’m sorry for almost having sex in the back seat of your Uber car.
First off, let me just say that Uber is super convenient.
It’s way better than taking the train or bus, so know that your services aren’t going without notice. That’s precisely the reason that we decided to call Uber and you in the first place. After drinking a half a bottle of gin, I really didn’t feel like walking around Toronto stumbling and having my feet hurt from the heels. So when the bae called your Uber car, i have to admit that I was relieved. I can tell you that sense being banned from Uber, I miss it everyday. Know that now I have to take all types of public transportation for simple things, and it is the legit worst.
Secondly, your car is your car.
Even though Uber is the drunk couple’s best friend, to be doing “such things” in the back seat of your car was way, way innappropriate. It’s not just a random cab that can get messy, it’s the car you take pride in and take care of. That’s your property and we just took advantage of what we thought at the moment was ours. It would have been like doing questionable things on your couch. Well, maybe not that bad, but you get the idea.
The main reason, excuse even, is that we’re “that” couple.
I know that’s not a good reason, but know that you sir have been privy to the adventurous side of this long distance relationship. Since, the boo and I never really see each other, we miss out on the excitement of doing things together. So, really this was just something that was meant to bring us closer together as a couple, and be a crazy and exhilirating experience. You should be honored that you and your Uber car were able to supply that to a happy couple. You, without knowing it, have amped up what was already a great weekend. But you and your uber sent it over the edge of greatness.
Finally, I’m sorry that it was awk, but know that it’s really not that crazy. People who have sex in public places shouldn’t be chactized for just trying to create some sexual sparks. Sex is something that is looked at as taboo in this country, and even though it was the wrong place, wrong time, I urge you to understand that it wasn’t something disgusting or gross, it was simply just love.
Mr. Uber Man, I am really sorry for the intense make out sesh that may have been borderline uncomfortable for you. But people are people. People have sex and with influences like alcohol and when you never get to see your love, people just don’t think with the brains sometimes. They do however, think with their...well, you know, not their brains. But, at the end of the day, I’m sorry for the twenty minutes of intense weirdness that was our drive in your car.
Although, you should honestly thank us, because we did give you the best story you probably have from driving an Uber. So, you’re actually welcome.
