When most people get diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, they may be flooded with questions and concerns:
Borderline of what?
Personality disorder??
What even is that???
Although it may seem like a frightening diagnosis at first, it is actually pretty common and treatable. Borderline Personality Disorder is a mental illness characterized by unstable moods, chaotic relationships, and distorted sense of self. The illness typically goes hand-in-hand with other psychiatric disorders, particularly bipolar disorder. Unfortunately these two illnesses often get misdiagnosed.
The disorder is most common among younger individuals, particularly in women, and there are 3 million cases of BPD every year. The cause of BPD is unknown, but studies have shown there is a genetic factor as well as environmental factors. Those who have experienced trauma in their youth, such as the death of a parent or sexual abuse, are much more likely to develop a borderline personality.
Symptoms include:
- Intense fears of real or imagined abandonment
- Impulsive behaviors, including shopping sprees, substance abuse, and reckless driving
- Intense mood swings
- Distorted sense of self, body image, career, goals, and friendships
- Constantly evolving and changing sense of self
- Split thinking (black and white thinking)
- Chaotic relationships
- Self-harm/mutilation
- Changing values and opinions on people and things
- Dissociation/zoning out/trouble concentrating
- Intense outbursts of anxiety and anger that last for at-most a day
- Trouble trusting people or trusting people too easily
Treatment consists of medication, therapy, and it may take years to fully overcome the disorder. However, it is entirely possible to live a happy, productive life with the disorder.
To understand the personal side of the disorder, I have included fifteen songs that truly highlight what it is like to live with the disorder.
“Identity Disorder” by Of Mice & Men
“I question every part of who I am / It's hard to tell which side of me is in the right with these two different people inside of me, fighting for my life, fighting for my life / I question every part of who I am.”
“I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me” by Demi Lovato
“I feel like I can't breathe / Just hold me, don't touch me / And I want you to love me / But I need you to trust me / Stay with me, set me free”
“Liability” by Lorde
“They say, ‘You're a little much for me” / You're a liability, / You're a little much for me’”
“Don’t Let Me Get Me” by P!nk
“Don't let me get me / I'm my own worst enemy / It's bad when you annoy yourself / So irritating / Don't wanna be my friend no more / I wanna be somebody else
“Miles Away” by Memphis May Fire
“How am I supposed to be / Everything they expect me to be / When I feel so alone, / 'Cause I left my heart at home,”
“Gasoline” by Halsey
“Are you insane like me? / Been in pain like me? / Bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me? / Just to pour that motherfucker down the drain like me?”
“Lua” by Bright Eyes
“Got a flask inside my pocket / We can share it on the train / And if you promise to stay conscious, I'll try to do the same / Well, we might die from that medication / But we sure killed all the pain,”
“Round Here” by Counting Crows
“‘Can't you see my walls are crumbling?’ / Then she looks up at the building / And says she's thinking of jumping / She says she's tired of life / She must be tired of something,”
“Hurt” by Johnny Cash
“What have I become? / My sweetest friend / Everyone I know goes away / In the end / And you could have it all / My empire of dirt / I will let you down / I will make you hurt,”
“Oh My God” by The Pretty Reckless
“Oh my God, wish I was dead / Wish I could turn off the noise in my head /Oh my God, wish I could breathe / Enough air in my lungs to muster a scream / Oh my God, wish I was numb / The weight on my back didn't feel like a ton,”
“Asleep” by The Smiths
“And then leave me alone / Don't try to wake me in the morning / 'Cause I will be gone,”
“Twilight” by Elliott Smith
“You don't deserve to be lonely / But those drugs you got won't make you feel better / Pretty soon you'll find it's the only / Little part of your life you're keeping together,”
“True Love Waits” by Radiohead
“Just don’t leave / Don’t leave / I’m not living / I’m just killing time”
“Carmen” by Lana Del Rey
“She says, ‘You don't want to be like me / Looking for fun, getting high for free / I'm dying, I'm dying,’”
“I Blame Myself” by Sky Ferreira
“How could you know what it feels like to fight the hounds of hell? / You think you know me so well / How could you know what it feels like to be outside yourself? / You think you know me so well / I just want you to realize I blame, I blame myself,”
