I used to love saying, “When it rains it pours!” after each time something in my life went wrong.
I got in the habit of saying it as a way of pitying myself and the way life seemed to be going. Self-pity was the easy way out. Feeling sorry for myself, lying in bed all day, sleeping 15 hours a day, all became far too common to be considered just being lazy. However, what I often failed to realize was that when it rains, it always stops raining. Think about that the next time you are feeling like life is just too much. It may be pouring now, but at some point the rain has to stop. It can’t rain forever.
Grieving isn’t easy, sometimes the loss of a loved one can feel like a weight on your shoulders or a rain cloud over your head. I have become thoroughly fascinated by grief because of how uniquely it is experienced from person to person. The chemical changes and imbalances that take place in your brain are very real, and I feel like sometimes people don’t realize that. Personally, I am emotional to begin with. While I joke, saying I cry at every extreme emotion I feel, that couldn’t be closer to the truth. Naturally, in the face of loss it is very easy for me to just give up on everything and succumb to overwhelming feelings of sadness, anger, depression, stress, the list goes on. The way I dealt with loss is not the way you will, nor may my experience even help at all. If there is one thing you take away, let it be that you are not alone. This was something that took me time to understand and I still struggle with it.
Nobody knows the experience you had, even the people who may have been there through it. Your experience may be very different than say a sibling or aunt or uncle. Still, take comfort in these people. Sometimes the unspoken comfort will prove to be the most helpful. You don’t always have to say something, or be asked how you are doing to feel that someone cares. If your experience didn’t include others, still take comfort in those around you who are willing to be there. Something important I learned was not to push people away and isolate yourself. If you feel alone now, you certainly will after pushing loved ones away. I realize these things are much easier said than done.
Someone in the earlier stages of grief may read this and disagree completely with what I have to say. Honestly, if I were to read this a year ago, I would have disagreed completely, too. I don’t believe time heals all wounds. But I do believe that time gives clarity and the ability to see things in a different way. I don’t mean that things will suddenly all make sense. What I mean can be comparable to the way you always think of better things to say in an argument after the argument already took place. In this case, had you perhaps waited longer to react, or given yourself more time, the outcome could have been more favorable. With loss, there is no predicting how you or anyone will react. But with time, you will find that the things you used to do like isolate yourself, maybe aren’t the best choices.
It is important to know yourself. To know when you’ve been in bed too long or when you should probably eat something. Even just recognizing these things, even if you choose to do nothing about it at first, is a step in the right direction. Finding ways to occupy your mind is also important. If you are someone who thinks constantly, try something to get your mind to relax. I personally like to read or crochet, or even watch a movie that I have seen a bunch of times. Anything is better than nothing. Any length of time you can relax your mind or body is a success. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Whether that be help from a best friend or even a therapist, you will find that doing so will help immensely. I am a great advocate for talk therapy, as I have been doing it on and off since 2010. Sometimes having someone completely removed from your family and life is extremely refreshing. You might be surprised the insight someone on the outside looking in may have to share.
While I have suggested and discussed the things I did to help cope, I realize these things may not work or be helpful to everyone. To that, all I can say is at least give it a shot, at least you can say that you tried. Regardless, it is important to think positive, something my father always said and ended up being the motto he is remembered for after his death.
When it rains it may pour, but it will always stop raining.
