Why And When It's OK To Move On From Your Old Friends

Why And When It's OK To Move On From Your Old Friends

As you grow, the past sometimes doesn't grow with you.

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Everyone changes and grows on their own. They learn their own lessons and live a completely separate life from the people around them. That's OK.

Lately, I've been reflecting on past relationships that have gone wrong, whether it be friends or partners. The common thing among these relationships is change. I changed, they changed, the world around us changed. Not everyone changes together and that's where things go awry.

Recently, I lost someone I considered a sister because she changed and I didn't. At first, this ate away at me, it made me mad she didn't feel the same anymore and that she wanted to be living a different life than me. I kept blaming her when in reality everyone should do what makes them happy. That means even if she wasn't happy being friends with me.

It takes a while to redirect your thoughts and feelings. There has to be a conscious effort to change your thoughts from blaming others to being OK with what happened. I had to change my narrative, every time I want to say something is another person's fault.

It's a hard thing to unlearn blame, our whole lives we get taught that someone or something causes everything. That simply isn't true. Losing a friend or S.O. can happen for so many reasons and blame can't be put onto one person or thing. Not everything that happens needs an answer and if you drift from an old friend there doesn't have to be a reason.

The best way, I've found, is to find more like-minded people. Maybe it's someone you never gave a chance before because you had this friend in your life. Maybe you go to new club meetings at your school or talk to more people at work. Finding someone who's at the same stage of their lives as you makes it easy to connect and find a new support system.

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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What It's Actually Like Moving States

How a central Iowa born and raised native ended up in Southern Missouri.

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Not a lot of people think moving states is a hard thing to do. If it's two hours away or, like me, seven hours away from your hometown, a move is a move and it can affect people in different ways.

Personally, my family was separated for a year, my mom and I still living in our hometown so I could finish high school, and my dad in Missouri working at his new job.

Then, in June my mom and I made the move so our family could be together once again. For us, we still had our home in Iowa, so my parents and I lived in an apartment until we could sell our home in Iowa and find what we wanted in Missouri.

The hardest things to get used too is the lifestyle of people in southern Missouri. People are a lot different down here than they were in Iowa. It was a big deal for us to move down here and adapt to a different lifestyle.

Something minor that was very hard to get used to was the usage of pop and soda. Most people don't even know what a "pop," is. In Iowa, a Pepsi or Coke is known as pop but down here it is called a soda.

That is just one example that was super hard to get used to. Something that is a little more of a big deal is the size of the city. In Iowa, I could get a coffee in about a five-minute drive. In Missouri, it takes a good fifteen minutes to drive there and who knows what the line will be like at the coffee shop. Those are minor things that my family struggled with adapting to.

Easily, the hardest thing was leaving friends and family. I came to Branson in the middle summer. This limited my job opportunities to none and made making new friends next to impossible.

This made my summer really hard and honestly boring. I knew this was best for my family, but I missed my friends and I wanted to be back in Iowa where all my friends were and my job used to be.

There were also a lot of perks from moving away from Iowa. First off, I completely went off the grid of my town and wanted to start completely new. I made new social media accounts and got a new phone number.

This made the transition easy because I was able to be who I wanted to be and keep in touch with the people I wanted to keep in touch with. This is something that a lot of people thought was pointless, but was such an important step for a fresh start.

Coming to Missouri, I know that sky is the limit and I have so many more opportunities of what I want to do. Overall, I would suggest moving states and starting knew. It feels good to finally be in a place that makes you truly happy as well as your family. Iowa is a fun place to visit sometimes and I'll always miss the sunsets but Missouri is my new home.

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