Everyone changes and grows on their own. They learn their own lessons and live a completely separate life from the people around them. That's OK.
Lately, I've been reflecting on past relationships that have gone wrong, whether it be friends or partners. The common thing among these relationships is change. I changed, they changed, the world around us changed. Not everyone changes together and that's where things go awry.
Recently, I lost someone I considered a sister because she changed and I didn't. At first, this ate away at me, it made me mad she didn't feel the same anymore and that she wanted to be living a different life than me. I kept blaming her when in reality everyone should do what makes them happy. That means even if she wasn't happy being friends with me.
It takes a while to redirect your thoughts and feelings. There has to be a conscious effort to change your thoughts from blaming others to being OK with what happened. I had to change my narrative, every time I want to say something is another person's fault.
It's a hard thing to unlearn blame, our whole lives we get taught that someone or something causes everything. That simply isn't true. Losing a friend or S.O. can happen for so many reasons and blame can't be put onto one person or thing. Not everything that happens needs an answer and if you drift from an old friend there doesn't have to be a reason.
The best way, I've found, is to find more like-minded people. Maybe it's someone you never gave a chance before because you had this friend in your life. Maybe you go to new club meetings at your school or talk to more people at work. Finding someone who's at the same stage of their lives as you makes it easy to connect and find a new support system.
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