When you’re little you hear about the monsters in your room that like to come out when it’s dark. You know, the ones hiding in your closet or under your bed. At that young age though, you find solace beneath your blanket or even better, you run to your parents room before the monsters can “get you.”

As you get older, the silly, imaginary monsters you used to be afraid of diminish out of your mind almost completely. We understand that (unless you’re playing in a cliche scene in a horror movie) no monster is going to grab onto your feet and pull you under the bed to eat you.

Growing up though, I learned of different kinds of monsters; ones that live inside your head. And if you ask me, they’re a bit scarier than the ones our five year old minds believed to be hiding out in our closets.

These monsters aren’t afraid of the light, and they generate a powerful influence on those harvesting them. These monsters have names. There’s little ones that everyone is familiar with like Insecurity or Selfishness. Then there are bigger ones like Depression or OCD, and not everyone will meet these in their lifetime but for those who do, they feel trapped and they cannot escape them (or at least that’s how it feels.)

Anxiety is my monster though as I’ve grown up and been exposed to many different people, I have learned that she’s not just mine. I’ve been familiar with Anxiety for about twelve years now, and I’ve heard it all: “You worry too much, everything will be okay.” Or “it’s not a big deal, why are you freaking out over that?” “You just need to calm down, breathe, gather yourself.” And my personal favorite, “it’s not the end of the world,” this one being the most irritating because though whatever it is that has me under distress may seem irrational, for me it does in fact feel like the end of the world. Yes, I know the sun will come up tomorrow, yes I understand that it’s just one test or just a simple interview. “It’s just a bridge, it’s just 100 people, it’s just one class, it was just a minor argument, it’s just this or just that.” But to me “just” is a word that diminishes the vastness of my fear or worry. Here is where people lose understanding of the sentiments of the anxious, because it doesn’t feel like it’s “just” a simple interview or argument.

Restlessness, feeling of impending doom, trouble breathing, insomnia, nausea, headaches, poor concentration, trembling, inability to set aside the worry, fear, or lack of control; all of these occur regularly ( sometimes all at once) for those suffering from the strain of this terrible monster; unraveling, drowning, with no way out. I realize I sometimes come off as caring too much, or being too sensitive or too dramatic, or not adventurous enough, and I’m aware that I’m not always the most fun to be around. To be honest, I wish I could escape from myself sometimes too or just relieve myself from anxiety all together, for good. Isn’t it enough juggling college, jobs, relationships, “adulting,” sanity and figuring out the future, without the presence of these troublesome little monsters?