I’ve played softball for as long as I can remember—a good 13 years of my life, actually. When you do something for so long it becomes more than a game, it becomes your life. Softball was my life, and not playing anymore is truly heartbreaking.

Last year I made the decision to attend Loras College to continue my academic career. I also made the decision to end my athletic career. I can honestly say that was, by far, the worst thing I could have done to myself. Now, when I’m sitting in my residence hall on campus, which of course is directly next to the softball field, I am always looking back on the time I played the sport and think to myself, “How did I ever quit something I love with a passion?” Not being able to play the sport I loved made me feel deprived.

Even though I miss the sport and have this sense of deprivation, not playing it has also allowed me to enhance my love for it. This season I found myself watching almost all of the home games and cheering on my school’s team. Being able to support your classmates while also being able to watch something you love is honestly so rewarding.

So do I still miss playing the sport? Of course. But by not playing it, I have learned to love it even more.