Believe me, I have tried it all. Green Smoothies for breakfast. Salads for dinner. Not buying snacks and keeping them out of the house, leaving myself no choice but to eat carrots when I'm hungry at 1 a.m. My internal voice loves to tell me that I am capable of being a healthy individual, but my stomach says otherwise. My life as a food lover is a fierce day-to-day battle, let me tell you.
To my fellow foodies of the world, I feel your pain. You know you're straight up driving the struggle bus when all you want is ice cream for breakfast. When you have to physically restrain yourself from eating eight chocolate chip cookies when you come home from work at night, you know that the obsession has gone too far. I have come to the conclusion that I am simply not cut out for the healthy life. Honestly, can you blame me for craving an everything bagel at all hours of the day? Is that such a crime? I think not.
Here are a few ways to know if you're a real foodie through and through. If you're reading these and realize that you find yourself doing some of these things, we are all in this together.
1. You follow 86 food accounts on Instagram.
Make that 87.
2. You Instagram your own meals and masterpiece creations.
Give the followers what they want.
3. You believe that pizza is not a laughing matter and deserves to be taken seriously.
It is the sixth main food group, after all.
4. Mom's cookies never live to see tomorrow.
They also never live to see anyone else's mouth but yours.
5. Diets are impossible, and you have no room in your life for those that are actually on them.
6. Your best thinking is done while chowing down on some goodies.
Because I generally can't hear myself think over the growls of my stomach.
7. Gym memberships are just money that you could be spending on more important things, such as food.
8. You go to sleep plotting what you will eat for breakfast when you wake up.
There is nothing better than a dream about waffles.
9. Sharing is certainly not caring. Nor acceptable. It's never an option.
Seriously, get your own.
10. Most importantly, calories don't count if no one saw you eat them.
I just ate three bags of chips, but if you want to get lunch, I could eat again!
