Please, Don't Minimize Your Pain For Mine

Please, Don't Minimize Your Pain For Mine

Your pain is just as real as mine

It happens at least once in every conversation I have. I've heard it a million times, and likely said it a million times. You've heard it a million times, and likely said it a million times. It's time for us to put this phrase to rest...

"But it's nothing compared to what you're going through"

Why does it have to compare to what I'm going though in the first place? You see, pain is subjective in the sense of what hurts me may not hurt you and vice versa. Within that subjectivity is a whole realm of other characteristics; how you describe the pain or rate it, where the pain originates, whether it be mental and emotional pain or physical anguish. Notice that in all of those characteristics there is no definitive form of measuring that pain or comparing it to others, there is no political way to decide which pain is worse--and there shouldn't be!

It seems that every time I'm asked how I am and I honestly reply, I'm met with that dreaded phrase. That answer is not only generated in conversations with those that are well, but aswell within the chronic illness community. We live in a world where we are constantly built upon and shaped by comparison and critique, by shaming ourselves and minimizing our emotions. We should live in a world where we are free to endure difficult situations and hardships in our own individual ways and still be given the support we deserve.

My problems and hardships hurt me immensely, some nights there is no greater pain than what I'm facing but my pain should not minimize yours. It should not be a gauge to determine where your pain falls on the spectrum. Regardless of what we encounter there will always be someone out there who is experiencing something worse. Does that mean we cannot cry when we encounter sorrow? Does that mean you are not entitled to be fed up and upset with your current reality? Does that numb or dull the pain you feel in any way? No, no it does not.

Don't discount your emotions and hardship by comparison, because it is so incredibly real to you and so incredibly valid even though you may feel that they are not. You have every right to feel the way you do irregardless to what the world and people around you are encountering. Our feelings cannot be ignored or wished away and the way we deal with them is by confronting them head on, and if your method of coping is by confiding in someone do not apologize for that. Dismiss any notion of what you’ve been told you “should” or “shouldn’t” feel. You have to drown out the voices of people who try to shame you into silence, even if it's your own.

Despite what you have been lead to believe, you don’t need anyone’s approval or validation to endure the feelings you are experiencing. Your feelings are intrinsically true and just. Each aspect of your experience is important and it matters and it is more than okay to react to the emotions you encounter. Don’t let anyone, including your own mind and self, convince you otherwise.

So the next time that you feel the need to apologize, or down play your emotions for the sake of someone elses--dont. Remember that your pain is just as relevant and as real as mine or as the next guy's despite anyone that tells you otherwise.

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10 Things Someone Who Grew Up In A Private School Knows

The 10 things that every private school-goer knows all too well.


1. Uniforms

Plaid. The one thing that every private school-goer knows all too well. It was made into jumpers, skirts, shorts, scouts, hair ties, basically anything you could imagine, the school plaid was made into. You had many different options on what to wear on a normal day, but you always dreaded dress uniform day because of skirts and ballet flats. But it made waking up late for school a whole lot easier.

2. New people were a big deal

New people weren't a big thing. Maybe one or two a year to a grade, but after freshman year no one new really showed up, making the new kid a big deal.

3. You've been to school with most of your class since Kindergarten

Most of your graduating class has been together since Kindergarten, maybe even preschool, if your school has it. They've become part of your family, and you can honestly say you've grown up with your best friends.

4. You've had the same teachers over and over

Having the same teacher two or three years in a row isn't a real surprise. They know what you are capable of and push you to do your best.

5. Everyone knows everybody. Especially everyone's business.

Your graduating class doesn't exceed 150. You know everyone in your grade and most likely everyone in the high school. Because of this, gossip spreads like wildfire. So everyone knows what's going on 10 minutes after it happens.

6. Your hair color was a big deal

If it's not a natural hair color, then forget about it. No dyeing your hair hot pink or blue or you could expect a phone call to your parents saying you have to get rid of it ASAP.

7. Your school isn't like "Gossip Girl"

There is no eating off campus for lunch or casually using your cell phone in class. Teachers are more strict and you can't skip class or just walk right off of campus.

8. Sports are a big deal

Your school is the best of the best at most sports. The teams normally go to the state championships. The rest of the school that doesn't play sports attends the games to cheer on the teams.

9. Boys had to be clean-shaven, and hair had to be cut

If you came to school and your hair was not cut or your beard was not shaved, you were written up and made to go in the bathroom and shave or have the head of discipline cut your hair. Basically, if you know you're getting written up for hair, it's best just to check out and go get a hair cut.

10. Free dress days were like a fashion show

Wearing a school uniform every day can really drive you mad. That free dress day once a month is what you lived for. It was basically a fashion show for everyone, except for those upperclassmen who were over everything and just wore sweat pants.

Cover Image Credit: Authors Photos

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3 AMAZING Reasons To Cheat On Your Significant Other

It's super easy!


Sike. Gotcha.

1. There aren't any

Seriously? You actually thought I would condone this pathetic, childish, immature, unfaithful behavior? Shame on you.

If you were actually looking for reasons to cheat on your partner, thinking this link would help you, shame on you.

2. Don't be a piece of shit

Don't do it. Even if you think they deserve it because they cheated on you or YOU THINK they cheated, don't lower yourself to that asinine level. Be mature.

But if YOU are thinking about cheating, or currently are in any way, you're an ass. She/he can do SO much better without you. The best thing to do if you want to mess around with people that don't matter is just to leave. You're already in a different mind set, not caring about your S/O's feelings, so why drag them on? Be mature.

3. Leave them if they do

To those who have been cheated on but chose to stay with them: you're an idiot. I don't care what the circumstances are. If they cheated, you know they are fully capable of doing it again. If anything, they just figured out new ways to get away with it better or longer.

Get out of that shitty relationship.


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