It’s the sad and repeated truth that girls, and, well, humans in general, face some of the harshest judgements, stigmas and molds to fill than they’ve ever had to before. With Photoshopped bodies slapped on the cover of every magazine and impossibly perfect Instagram edits, it has become incredibly difficult to declare one’s own self as beautiful. The standards that have been set are hopelessly unachievable.

But there is hope on the rise. The outlets that are inhabiting the perfect pictures of flawless bods are the same outlets that are projecting the voices of millions who are spreading positive vibes. The talk that guys and gals need to love their bodies is bigger than the talk that they need to fix them. Fit is trending and curves are in and here to stay. All good things, right?

Well, here is my question: if these widespread proclamations of self-love and positive vibes are stemming left and right, and shaming curvy bodies is off-limits (as it should be), why is it OK to pick apart and bad mouth the skinny bodies?

OK, so I’m small—108 pounds on a good day. But I don’t have washboard abs. I can barely lift anything heavier than 20 pounds. I’m the farthest thing from a fit girl. But there are parts of my body that I love, along with the parts that I hate, because, regardless of the number that appears on the scale, I’m only human. I’m a human who, just like everyone else, is allowed to have insecurities.

I can’t sit here say I understand people who have been bullied for their weight. Who have had to stress over every piece of food that they put in their mouths. Who are too self-conscious to wear the clothes that they want. I’m not claiming to know the pain of these things and I’m also not proclaiming the issues I have with my body to be greater than or even equal to theirs.

But what I’m trying to shed a little light on here, is the contradiction that’s occurring when people make the decision to love their body while simultaneously shaming someone else’s. The contradiction that it’s taboo to negatively point out someone’s weight gain but completely acceptable to call a naturally skinny person anorexic. To tell a thin person they need to “go eat a cheeseburger,” when it would be cruel and embarrassing to tell anyone else to “stop eating.”

If you need to hate someone else’s body in order to love your own, you’re doing it so wrong.

My realization of this subject peaked when my best friend yelled at me for always “bagging on myself.” She told me I need to think more positively of myself because all I seem to do is point out my insecurities. It sparked a burning thought in my mind: Why do I do this? I don’t hate my body so why have I convinced others that I do?

It burned and burned and burned until I came to a very clear answer. I’ve accepted this odd notion that if I express love for my skinny body, I’m somehow rubbing it in others’ faces. Because, for as long as I can remember, when others have made note of the small size of my body, it has typically come out as more of a dig than a compliment, like I should feel guilty for the natural way of myself. And any time I’ve made remarks of my own true insecurities, I receive a scoff and a “shut up” from anyone who heard, as if I was a dumb girl making things up for attention. It’s left me in a slightly confused and very torn state, especially while everything around me is preaching self-love and acceptance.

So here is what I’ve concluded from all this: Let’s keep the trend of self-love going. Let’s scream to the heavens that baby, we were born this way. Let’s continue the talk that we don’t need to look a certain way to be beautiful. In fact, let’s break the definition of beautiful and rewrite it every single day. But let us respect each other in the process. Let’s accept one another for being different shapes and sizes, regardless of how much it varies from our own. Let’s ditch the idea that physical characteristics define what is or isn’t a “real woman.” Let’s realize that we’re all allowed to have insecurities, but to always point out the best qualities in ourselves and in others. Let’s remember that the enemy isn’t the skinny girl, the enemy is the quick-fix-Photoshop-process that’s deceiving us via the bodies that cover supermarket magazines.

And last, but certainly not least, let us not put others down in order to bring ourselves up.