I'm tired, so so tired. I am being drained of everything I have mentally, physically and spiritually.
We live in a world where you have to be perfect. Your hair, your clothes, your makeup, your grades, your athletics, your artistic ability, your attitude, your EVERYTHING. You literally have to have it all together... at least that's what we all think. Everyone else feels the same way, and this creates a huge circle of everyone pretending we have it all together. We see everyone's lives and can't help comparing them to our own messy life. We see everyone else getting everything right and can't help but try to look like we are getting it right too.
In high school, you had to have good grades, be on multiple teams, be a member of National Honors Society, volunteer at an animal shelter and pick up trash off the side of the road for people to notice you. All of high school you had to strive to look more perfect and put together than everyone else so that you could stand out and get noticed by a college. But the worst part is that it doesn't end there. Once you get to college, you have to get good grades, make a lot of friends, join a lot of clubs, volunteer until you can't catch your breath and stand out compared to everyone else. You have to put on this "perfect" look so that you don't let everyone in on your secret: You're tired. You are so tired, and it is drowning you. I GET YOU.
All I do is homework, study for tests, go to class, go to all the club meetings, volunteer, eat food occasionally (if I have time) and hopefully find time in there to pray and read my Bible. Sometimes I wonder how I even had time to brush my hair or put on matching socks. I try to act like my life is okay, that I am not drowning in homework or struggling with other everyday issues, but the thing is, I am. I am not perfect, I am very far from it.
Sometimes I wear the same thing to bed multiple times in a row, decide to skip showering to study instead, get some bad grades, make a friend mad, binge eat cookies, trip over my own two feet, compare myself to others, drink too much Starbucks, stay up too late and so much more.
I am trying my best. I wake up every day and go to class. I participate in things that I enjoy. I drink my favorite drink from Starbucks. I smile at strangers when I walk by. I laugh with my beautiful friends. I go to bed early when I can. I sing in the communal showers. I go to church and worship with others. I am constantly moving. Yes, I am tired, but I am also in love with my life. I just need to remember to slow down and take a breath. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be. My goal is to be real and to be beautifully tired because I am lucky to be.