I'm going to tell you a story today, and I can tell you now that it doesn't begin with "Once Upon a Time" and it most certainly doesn't end with "Happily Ever After".

It was an average day, February, cloudy, cold, like any other gloomy winter afternoon. This time it was particularly different because the news that was received made it seem a lot more cold, a lot more gloomy, and the time of day seemed to dissipate altogether. You see, when you get the news of a friends death it feels as though the world around you is closing in and you can't seem to wrap your mind around what is happening because you know that five minutes before that it was just another day.

Suicide is a part of everyone's vocabulary and subconscious knowledge, until it takes someone because after that it becomes an entirely new word, actually it doesn't become a word at all it becomes the murderer, and all of the sadness and rage of the victims friends and family is forever directed to that 'thing' - suicide.

Depression is also a part of everyone's vocabulary and subconscious knowledge, but it is so hard to understand the true damage that it can do to a person without the proper help. The term depression is so overused, just because you have a bad day doesn't mean you're depressed and just because you think you know what depression is doesn't mean you understand it if you don't truly experience it yourself.

One of the main reactions to suicide is confusion and denial because most people don't actually understand the mental illness that is depression, and they don't understand how someone could be so 'selfish'. What I don't understand is how you can see someone at that low of a point, at that level of separation from reality and view them as selfish.

I suppose it takes one to know one- I know at first hand how hard it is to understand depression because when I lost my friend on that cold, February afternoon I also became overwhelmed with confusion and denial because I didn't understand- but I never once accused him of being selfish. I was 16 when that happened, and now in my early 20's I can tell you with the utmost honesty that I now suffer from depression myself and I understand now why he did it- I understand that he thought it was better for everyone if he was gone. And I can tell you that I will never forget his smile because it always lit up a room whether he knew that or not, and I wish I had the chance to tell him that.

I seek help and proper medication because I've seen first hand what suicide does to families and friends, and I've seen first hand the undeniable control that depression can have over a person. I will never forget that afternoon, I will never forget the memorial, I will never forget the funeral, and I will most definitely never forget his breath-taking smile.

This may not end with "Happily Ever After" but it ends with a feeling of hope- that depression doesn't have to take you; but I also hope that you can understand that depression is not a choice, it is not an excuse- it creates excuses, and depression is as much an illness as any other physical illness. Just because you can't see it, at least give your loved ones the benefit of the doubt in trying to understand because they deserve that.

You should always remember that people who suffer from depression may seem weak, but they are the strongest people around you because every day that they wake up and walk through life they just conquered another war within themselves. Depression is not selfish, suicide is not selfish, and I hope one day that people will take the time to empathize with mental illness in the same way that they empathize with physical illnesses, because you may not be able to see it but I can promise you it's there.

I'll leave you with a question and I don't mean any offense by it because I've lost someone I love so much to cancer. But, would you call someone who had stage four cancer selfish if they didn't want to seek treatment because they were told that treatment wouldn't help? No, you wouldn't.

So why do we call someone who commits suicide selfish when everyone around them is telling them that they need to get over it, that they need to stand up and fight it. Well you know what? Not everyone can do that- some people fall so deeply into this illness that they feel there is no way out, so instead of demonizing them for it why don't you try to empathize with them because I can promise you that the last thing they are is selfish.

I have "major depressive disorder" according to my therapist and I can tell you right now that with that comes thoughts of suicide- I won't lie, but I would never actually go through with it because I have seen first hand what it does the the people around you and I want to be an example of someone who at least tries to get up every day and live because I want to do that for every other person who couldn't. I empathize with suicide victims because I have the potential to be one, but I refuse to let this illness take over my life.

Selfishness is scapegoat when it comes to suicide, and calling a victim 'selfish' after possibly a lifetime of battle with themselves is someone with the inability to understand what they went through- it is their way of putting their guilt on the victim rather than themselves, and by doing that I suppose maybe it makes them feel better that they brushed off the persons depression as selfish or just 'a bad day'.

This story ends with a message, look up the word empathy- because they only way to understand what someone is going through is to find a way to personally cope with the outcome of their mental state. I know it's hard, but no one ever said it was easy.