“No.” How can such a small and simple word be so hard to express? For the entirety of my life, I have immensely struggled to muster those two letters. Maybe it is because every time I do, that pang of guilt washes over me or maybe it’s because I don’t want to disappoint the people who I care about so much. Honestly, I don’t why saying no is such a big deal. We did it when we were little, before we were taught to share, and sometimes it just slips out in the heat of the moment, but in today’s world saying no is often accompanied with judgement, guilt, and remorse.

Constantly saying yes and agreeing to do things as a result of peer pressure takes a toll on our mental, physical, and emotional health, but as much as we don’t want to admit it, we are people pleasers. The thought of saying no almost paralyzes me. I don’t want to be the one that people do not like. I don’t want my friends, peers, and coworkers to talk behind my back. I don’t want the face the shame that I feel from strangers’ judging eyes, so what can I do?

I can learn to put myself first. I don’t owe anybody anything. No explanation, no excuses, no nothing. Even though it’s hard, I need to remember that I am my own person and I need to make myself happy. Just because my friend asked me to cover her shift at work to hang out with her boyfriend does not mean I need to sacrifice my own peace of mind. Despite what society tells us, we really aren’t obligated to please anyone but ourselves.

I can accept the fact that what other people think of me is none of my business. Of course I value the opinions of my friends and family members, but just like me, they want me to be happy. So what if I’d rather watch Netflix and eat cheese fries instead of a night of bar hopping because I just bombed an exam? We’ve all been there, my friends will understand.

I can remember that life goes on. Regardless of whether or not I agree to something, time progress. Life doesn’t wait for anyone. It is important to live in the moment; it is important to be happy. Even though Webster’s definition of the word “no” is “a negative answer or reply to a question, request, or offer,” it does not mean it is a hinderance to my relationships or personal growth and development.

Saying no is tough, but who’s not up for a challenge? If pleasing people is my goal, I mind as well start by pleasing myself. In a world full of chaos and clutter, being true to myself is all that really matters. It is important to remember that it’s okay to say “no” every once in awhile. It shouldn’t (and doesn’t) matter if I am tired, uncomfortable, or just don’t feel like being social, I can say no if and whenever I want to, and when those guilt pangs come creeping over me, instead of thinking that I am saying no to others, I will believe that I am saying yes to me!