Mental Health ... a phrase we hear so very often, yet it's still such a 'taboo' subject. What is so important about mental health? Why am I even pointing the finger at moms specifically? It is important to recognize mental health among all individuals, however mothers seem to be the ones who get forgotten. Often times, society focuses on the mental health of single individuals. Why not an entire community?
Mothers (and fathers), especially single parents, need the most attention focused on mental health. If we start at the source of children, their parents, then we can engage a successful future. If parents focused on their own mental health and clarity it would cause a ripple effect into their children.
As a single mother to three beautiful boys I too neglected my mental health. When my husband left I recognized that I was not being a good mom. I was struggling to get out of bed, to make healthy meals, to spend time playing with my children. Instead I would sleep on the couch, let the kids run all over me, and give them snacks whenever they wanted. This was my mental crisis that made me realize my house was consuming me. I felt like my life and everything I had known was changing. This is where I crashed. I mentally was burnt out and drained. How can I run a household, raise children, work 40+ hours a week, and still keep my sanity??
The first, and most important, step was recognizing there was a problem. I was drowning. I could not function like this. I wasn't only hurting myself, but my kids as well. **side note: all I have ever wanted is to be a mother and to be a good one.** I took a step back and recognized that I needed to get help.
The second step is ASKING for help. Admitting and recognizing there is a problem was step one, but seeking and asking for help ... well that is an entirely different monster. How can I ask for help when I am supposed to be the one providing help, teaching, loving, and so much more? How do I even begin saying that I am having a mental crisis? Are you ready, because it's seriously the easiest part. I called my parents and I told them, "I don't know what to do or how to function, I need help." As simple as that phone call was. I called someone I trusted and that I knew would do whatever needed to be done to HELP me. Being a parent in and of itself is difficult, but when you are mentally drowning and in a crisis, it makes finding help difficult. I promise you, there are options. Between the millions of online chats, suicide hotlines, mental health check ins, and facilities there are options for every kind of person and stage of life. I just so happened to be so far into a spiral that I chose to go to a facility.
Dealing with the stigma ... So many people are unable to reach out for help because of this ridiculous stigma our society has placed upon mental health. Why does society focus only on the health of our physical bodies but not once do they check in on the mental/inside of the body. The inside of your body is just as important as the appearance of the outside of the body. In fact how you treat and care for the inside of your body affects the appearance of the outside! So with that being said, why the stigma?
Just because you ask for help DOES NOT MAKE YOU CRAZY. You do not need to be referred to as crazy, insane, needing to go to the funny farm/mad house, etc. What you need is a safe place to exert all the emotions that are pent up. As a parent it is extremely difficult to confide in others out of FEAR. Fear of losing your children, respect, work, and ultimately your life. Asking for help does no such thing. When you ask for help you are saying to the world that you recognize there's a problem, that you are working to fix it, and that you just need to support. You are NOT giving up, giving in, or doing anything wrong. Admitting, recognizing, and seeking help is a good thing.
DCF isn't going to take your children simply because you are having a hard time mentally. Seeking help for your mental health is what makes you a good parent too. This shows your children that asking for help is never a bad thing. That when you ask for help and try to better yourself you are doing GOOD. Do what is right for not just your children, but for you too.
YOU MATTER. YOUR HEALTH MATTERS
Sheetal Tadiparty
Flickr Creative Commons
