Having mental illnesses isn't a choice.
The short version of what it is, it means one's brain is sick. It's invisible, but it still exists. And it's something we have to live with everyday, and everyday is a struggle. One day you feel like you're in control, the next day you feel like you're at your own disorder's mercy.
Though I'm elated that society and media is discussing mental illness more and more, there's a flaw that has been irking me. Some people are trying to turn it into a trend. "I get so bipolar." "I get kind of OCD about that." "Anxiety gets better." " Depression sucks, but I'm sure you'll feel better."
I could spend all day correcting those kinds of comments, but that's beside the point. I have generalized anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and I struggle with depression, and I'll be the first to tell you that there's nothing "cool" or "fashionable" about having any of these conditions. With past trauma and my family history of mental illnesses, I was at a high risk of developing something.
Anxiety runs on my father's side and with abuse I endured as a child, it shouldn't surprise anybody that I was going to develop anxiety. I've had anxiety as long as I remember, but it wasn't until 2010 when I was 16/17 when I was diagnosed. Even though I'm medicated, the medication doesn't magically erase my anxiety, it just makes it easier to cope with. I still panic over little things, have heavy heart pounding, struggle to sleep at night, and my thoughts continue to run wild. It feels like drowning, and it's a constant struggle to keep your head above water.
It's even worse whenever I'm off my meds. I'm prescribed antidepressants and it's not good to be off them. I become a hot mess when I'm off my pills: insomnia, crying fits, and I become very sensitive to everything. The only remedy? The pills. Antidepressants become your best friend, and your worst enemy.
PTSD is another kind of battle, a battle in my mind, rather than my whole body like anxiety is. Triggers of past abuse, nightmares, flashbacks, your whole mind goes dark. You want to turn your brain off, stop thinking. Having anxiety only worsens the blow. When people hear the word "post-traumatic stress disorder", I'm sure the first thing people think about is war veterans. It's not a bad image, and it's fitting: having PTSD is constantly going to battle, even when the war is long over.
Depression doesn't have to have a reason to occur, it can be there if it wants to. It's not always the constant state of sadness, the hopelessness, the crying. It can be little things we might not notice: sleeping too much or sleeping too little, overeating or no eating, loss of interests. It feels like being in a black hole, constantly waiting for the light to shine through. But as the depression lingers over you like a shadow, you must press on.
Do you understand now? Still think mental illness is cool? Mental illness is serious, and can be just as fatal as any other physical illness if left untreated. I wish I didn't have my mental conditions, but I do, so I have to deal with it, all three of them. You have to gain control of the illnesses before they control you, and some days they do have power over you, but it's up to you to get up and keep fighting.
It's powerful we keep talking about mental illness, but romanticizing it isn't the way to do it, it can be harmful to those who suffer with it. To those suffering from mental illness, there are resources out there, don't be afraid to ask for help. Pick up your sword and shield and keep fighting, you'll win the battle in the long run.
