I used to be someone to despised solitude. To my insecure mind, solitude was equivalent to loneliness, and loneliness was equivalent to being unlovable.
I held this mentality until the start of 2019. In the start of this year, I went to a silent meditation workshop in Boone, North Carolina through the Art of Living Foundation. In this experience, I went into silence. I couldn't communicate with anyone — written or spoken word. The only person I was in touch for… was me.
During this experience, I connected with myself again. I had been focused too much on keeping in touch with all the people around me, that I realized that I had forgotten myself. I had lost connection with such a beautiful person: me. I had been putting people's needs before mine. I was getting to know people around me, forgetting to also get to know myself. I was spending time with others, but not spending enough time with myself.
Now, I have come to understand that self-connection is one of the most beautiful feelings in this world. If you are not sure what I am talking about, that means that you need to give yourself more of your time.
Self-connection is healing. It is grounding, and it is fulfilling.
For, you are the one person you will spend every moment of your life with. Not feeling connected to yourself can make life less magical.
With these revelations, once the workshop ended, I went back into my life and made the conscious decision to integrate more "me" time into my life. I would schedule times out of the day to be alone. When I did this, I found a small part of me resisting it. This is because society had conditioned me to believe that being alone meant I was lonely. And, being lonely meant I was unlovable.
But, it was actually the opposite. When I was alone, I basked in the warmth of my own, precious company. I began to give more love to all the parts of myself that were hurting — all the parts of myself that needed my love. I explored the depths of my mind and began to understand myself better, including my dreams, my fears, my perceived limitations, my strengths. All of these made me beautiful. Being in solitude with myself helped me witness and remember the beautiful, imperfectly perfect masterpiece I am.
When I am alone, I remember this sacred truth. I am beautiful, just as I am. Being able to connect with me reminds me of that.