To The All The Men That Let Women Down, From One Pissed Off Girl

To The All The Men That Let Women Down, From One Pissed Off Girl

I'm sick of waiting. I'm tired of your bullshit and lies.
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This one is to all the men that have let their women down and to all the other girls who are fed up with their bullshit.

I'm so sick of being told something then having a man let me down or lie to my fucking face. I'm sick of waiting. I'm tired of your bullshit and lies. You can either man up or sit the fuck down, so I can see the guy behind you. And honey, let's face it...there's always a guy behind you, whether you know it or not. I'm so tired of hearing, "But baby...I didn't mean to hurt you." Well, obviously you fucking did.

I'm angry lately. I'm angry that you can be perfect 95% of the time, then fuck up so badly the other 5%. I'm angry that this must be how your ex felt...being betrayed and tricked again and again. That this is how she must've felt when I came along and I sympathize with that, which pisses me off too. Did you give her hope, like you gave it to me? Only to crush it and throw her and my hope away, like a piece of trash.

I'm angry that everyone seems to be right about you. They told me how this would go and I have no one to blame but myself.

I'm angry that I hate you on some level. I hate you so much that I go from being hurt to feeling literally nothing for you. And that scares me. Because I planned on spending my life with you. I planned on so much with you and you planned on nothing with me. I hate you with every fiber of my being and yet, I can't tear myself away from you. I must be a masochist. There is no other alternative explanation.

I'm angry that she won a battle, even if it finally got you to move forward. I'm angry that I wasn't enough to cause this change, but rather it was her. It always centers around her. She's the "mother of your children," I fucking get it, but I'm supposedly your future, but I get left in the past. Don't I matter? Why is it always me you choose to hurt and leave behind? I'm angry that you always leave me behind. I'm angry for being so pathetic that I still feel pain when you leave me behind.

I'm angry that you are with her right now and not me. I'm angry and you both can go fuck off because I'm sick of it.

I'm angry that you have me so confused over my own feelings, that it's almost like being back with my ex, who took so much from me. Things I didn't want to give.

I'm angry I had sex with you and that I loved you, when you were lying to me for three months. I'm so angry because I feel used. Ironic, isn't it? I'm the one who was used and left, when I thought it'd be her.

But you know what causes me the most anger? The fact that despite everything you've done and all the pain you caused me, I still love you. I feel pure rage at how you fucked me over, but my heart still calls for you. It still wants you, even when I beg for it to let go. Even when I'm trying so hard to stop loving you because I can't take this fucked up situation anymore.

I may have gotten you to finally leave, but I lost a part of myself in all of this. I lost a piece of my love, my respect, and trust for you.

I think I may have lost my heart because I feel no heartbeat, my pulse is gone. I don't really feel anything anymore. And honestly, I'm not even sure if I feel anger...because I expected this.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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You know, I really thought that once I shot my shot, things would be different. LMAO WAS I WRONG ABOUT THAT. I mean, I shouldn't have just assumed that things would be automatically different and he'd fall in love with me; shoot, that's crazy. But I was hoping that he would have been flattered enough to see that a really cute girl like myself thinks a guy like him is super cute, If this situation was flipped, I would be hella flattered. I should have known better; I can't believe I actually thought this time would be different than the other times. I just don't think I could ever let this go.

Most people I talked to tell me that "Boys love that confidence shit" and to "Go for it because YOLO." I should have never listened. It's not like I struck out or anything; I still am talking to him, but God knows for how much longer. Excuse me for being cheesy, I do realize I'm only 18 and almost 19, but I think I found the guy I want to be my first boyfriend and I'd do whatever I can do to make this happen. Also, before anyone says anything like, "Just leave him be, he doesn't like you" or something along those lines, that statement is far from the truth. He does in fact have an interest in me and would love to get to know me better but the distance we have between is the key factor as to why I still haven't met the guy.

It just feels like I'll never find anyone. If I'm struggling so much now, I'm starting to question what's going to happy in the future. I stopped looking a long time ago and wanted to focus on myself but that's exactly when he fell into my lap. Everyone always says, the moment you stop looking is when someone will "run into you." Well, here I am, and I can't seem to move on even though we've talked on and off. I wish he lived closer and I wish I never met him. This is the main reason I start to question if "love" even exists, it seems like everyone these days is in a relationship with someone or even talking to someone in hopes of a romance blooming, and here's single old me sitting and listening to love songs and dreaming of the moment I meet my prince charming. I'm such a hopeless romantic, which attributes to me questioning love and if I'll ever find it or even come across it.

It doesn't just have to be love from a boyfriend or something, it can be from my parents and friends, too. Sometimes I can't help but think that they don't love me even though I know they do and I'm crazy for even thinking that they hate me. It's just the dark place my mind takes me to and there's no escape once I'm in there. I should probably just focus on myself, but that's so hard when you're working or out somewhere and a cute guy is around and you can't help but swoon. Or if they call you cute, you literally melt inside. Is that just me or does everyone feel the same way? Asking for a friend. Every time this boy says I'm cute I literally start to hyperventilate and I need to go and take a breather and come back and reply. I'm not used to these kinds of comments coming from the male species except for my dad, but that's my dad. All my friends tell me I'm pretty and what not and I believe them (LMAO for the most part until I look in the mirror and I'm like ew who is that) and I feel confident, but there's a different type of confidence that comes when a boy you think is cute calls you cute and you're left feeling a type of way. Ya feel me?

But seriously though, can someone please tell me what love is? I have two (I'm probably going to make a third) playlists on Spotify called "What is Love?" and "What is Love? Part II" with songs reminding me of the guys who broke my heart before I even legitimately gave it to them.

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