This one is to all the men that have let their women down and to all the other girls who are fed up with their bullshit.
I'm so sick of being told something then having a man let me down or lie to my fucking face. I'm sick of waiting. I'm tired of your bullshit and lies. You can either man up or sit the fuck down, so I can see the guy behind you. And honey, let's face it...there's always a guy behind you, whether you know it or not. I'm so tired of hearing, "But baby...I didn't mean to hurt you." Well, obviously you fucking did.
I'm angry lately. I'm angry that you can be perfect 95% of the time, then fuck up so badly the other 5%. I'm angry that this must be how your ex felt...being betrayed and tricked again and again. That this is how she must've felt when I came along and I sympathize with that, which pisses me off too. Did you give her hope, like you gave it to me? Only to crush it and throw her and my hope away, like a piece of trash.
I'm angry that everyone seems to be right about you. They told me how this would go and I have no one to blame but myself.
I'm angry that I hate you on some level. I hate you so much that I go from being hurt to feeling literally nothing for you. And that scares me. Because I planned on spending my life with you. I planned on so much with you and you planned on nothing with me. I hate you with every fiber of my being and yet, I can't tear myself away from you. I must be a masochist. There is no other alternative explanation.
I'm angry that she won a battle, even if it finally got you to move forward. I'm angry that I wasn't enough to cause this change, but rather it was her. It always centers around her. She's the "mother of your children," I fucking get it, but I'm supposedly your future, but I get left in the past. Don't I matter? Why is it always me you choose to hurt and leave behind? I'm angry that you always leave me behind. I'm angry for being so pathetic that I still feel pain when you leave me behind.
I'm angry that you are with her right now and not me. I'm angry and you both can go fuck off because I'm sick of it.
I'm angry that you have me so confused over my own feelings, that it's almost like being back with my ex, who took so much from me. Things I didn't want to give.
I'm angry I had sex with you and that I loved you, when you were lying to me for three months. I'm so angry because I feel used. Ironic, isn't it? I'm the one who was used and left, when I thought it'd be her.
But you know what causes me the most anger? The fact that despite everything you've done and all the pain you caused me, I still love you. I feel pure rage at how you fucked me over, but my heart still calls for you. It still wants you, even when I beg for it to let go. Even when I'm trying so hard to stop loving you because I can't take this fucked up situation anymore.
I may have gotten you to finally leave, but I lost a part of myself in all of this. I lost a piece of my love, my respect, and trust for you.
I think I may have lost my heart because I feel no heartbeat, my pulse is gone. I don't really feel anything anymore. And honestly, I'm not even sure if I feel anger...because I expected this.