“Any fool knows that bravado is a cover up for insecurity. That’s the truth…” – Bobby Darin, American singer, songwriter, and actor.
It is the truth. Society has told us for years how the media has portrayed the "ideal" woman: "Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits" as put by Tina Fey in her memoir Bossypants. "The standard of beauty is set," critics yelled, "and it's not fair!" With Rihanna's dark, sultry eyes on the cover of GQ, Megan Fox gracing Maxim in a skimpy gold skirt, cleavage screaming for attention—how is today’s woman to compare? What about tweens and young girls? Between America’s Next Top Model, Covergirl, L’Oreal, and Maybelline ads, women in our society are bombarded by what ‘beauty’ is. Where my issue lies is in how men are described to feel about their bodies, and how the male physique is portrayed in the media.
There’s a popular cartoon that’s circulated around the Internet that I’ve seen. On one side, a cartoon female. The caption reads: "How women see themselves": A beautiful girl looks in the mirror, only to see a haggard, dumpy, homely girl. On the other side: "How men see themselves": A scrawny, rail-thin guy looks into the mirror, only to see what looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger. This is simply just not true. But the problem seems to lie with us men. No one wants to step forward and admit it’s wrong. That would be seen as feminine and weak, as all men must be outwardly masculine, strong, virile, and confident. These ideals set forth by the cycle of socialization, the process by which we learn how we are ‘supposed' to behave, act, and succeed through societal interactions, are ill-founded, detrimental to our overall health, and must be stopped. So, Wabash men, if you haven’t heard it before, hear it from me: It’s OK to be insecure.
Actor Ryan Gosling taking off his shirt in Crazy, Stupid, Love made the ladies squeal. More and more women these days are liberating themselves through casual sex—in short, they’re “acting like men” and enjoying themselves. Women drool, stare, and ogle just like men do, and if we don’t exactly resemble actor Channing Tatum in Magic Mike or Colin Kaepernick, quarterback for the San Fran 49’ers, on the cover of this month’s GQ, it might make us feel as though we don’t measure up, so we might make up for it in the way we act, speak, carry ourselves, or treat others. There’s no need for this chest-thumping bravado, but it’s easy to fall into, especially in an all-male environment. “Guys have a level of insecurity and vulnerability that's exponentially bigger than you think,” actor John Krasinksi said. “With the primal urge to be alpha comes extreme heartbreak. The harder we fight, the harder we fall.”
Once, I was at a friend’s house, jumping on his trampoline with a couple of other guys, when they got the bright idea to stop jumping and wrestle. Being the 35-year-old trapped in a 12-year-old's body, I voiced that this was probably not a Nobel Prize-winning notion, and I was teased. “You’re scared! Don’t be a girl!” “C’mon, only gay guys would punk out. Wrestle!” “Seriously? Just be cool, man.” These were some of the wise and thought-provoking sentiments expressed by my “companions.” My heterosexuality, masculinity, and manhood were all challenged; the gauntlet had been thrown. I felt insecure and had to prove myself. Succumbing to the pressure, I wrestled with one of the guys who was a classmate. In no time, I was hurt. In a position too awkward to describe with words, I was thrown down butt-first; my mouth was open in a gape of horror, and my front top row of teeth landed in my knee and split it open. I had to collect myself and hobble down the street to my abode to receive kisses and hugs from my mommy medical treatment. It was then that I made a promise to myself to be happy with who I am: tall, lanky, dark, and awkward.
The scar on my knee serves as a reminder to check my insecurities at the door, and instead embrace them, numerous as they may be, and never project them onto others. Poor self-image is self-destructive. I’m always here to be a listening ear at any time if you need it. Not everyone who sees you is judging you, and screw the ones who are. Love yourself. Be thrilled about being you. Don’t ever apologize to anyone for being who you are. Men just aren’t told that enough today, so take it to heart. You can’t be Superman every day, man.
