Marriage is not the same today, as it was when my 89-year-old grandfather and 87-year-old grandmother got married years ago. We are in awe when we see a man open a door for a woman, rather than when a man doesn’t open a door.

Nowadays, loyalty has become less of a priority and people simply just give up on marriage far too quickly in our generation today. You hear the same comments made over and over by your friends. “All guys are the same,” “all men are horrible,” “no guy is trustworthy.” I’m not a hypocrite, but, I’m not going to lie, I used to be one of those girls. You know, the kind that is optimistic, supportive, caring, but always gets her heart broken in the end.

The biggest thing that I’ve learned to realize, however, is that it is not always the guy’s fault. Simply, women are the ones who damage the guy, nine times out of 10. Some men just simply may have never been taught how to treat a girl. Maybe they just never had the audacity to try new things and commit to a relationship.

An athletic, popular, smart, caring teen jock may have known how to treat his girlfriend in high school, but what happens when he gets his heart broken? He grows into the man that all girls call players.

I myself have witnessed some great men who were not afraid to express their emotions to their significant other. Once they got hurt, though, they were forever damaged.

I’ve dated some of these men or had a fling with some of them. I have witnessed someone very close to me go through a painful divorce, just a few short months after the wedding.

This is when I realized that women are just as hurtful as men. If not, worse…Men actually can be just emotional as women. They just are used to hiding their emotions. They are taught to hold them back. Guy friends tell you to play the field, or that you are too young to be tied down.

There is so much positive reinforcement enticing men to be tough.

Women are used to feeling and expressing their emotions on a regular basis, men are not. This is why women are able to bounce back more easily from a heartbreak than men are. It takes time, but eventually they accept that they got through it before and they will again.

Men are never the same exact person after a life-altering heartbreak, though. A piece of them is taken for eternity. They will never be able to trust someone wholly as much.

1. He permanently puts up a wall

No matter how much he wants to let you in, or how close he becomes with you, it is going to take him years to let you in. He feels bad when he learns that he can actually trust again. There is just a mental block that will take forever to be knocked down. He just can’t let you all the way in.

2. He focuses more on the present than the future

The older that women become, the more that we daydream about our wedding. The color of our bridesmaids dresses. The kind of flower bouquet we want to carry in our hands walking down the aisle. The hairstyle we will choose…up or down. These men, though, they have a hard time talking about weddings and marriage. They are more focused on their careers right now, and they are thankful for the good days; they are living in the moment.

3. He isn’t super affectionate

These men do not like to show as much affection as they used to. They have a hard time holding hands in public, or they struggle with expressing their affection towards women in general.

4. He has trouble having deep conversations

When they can sense someone trying to make them open up, they simply struggle talking about their feelings. It is not always because they do not want to, but they have become emotionless from their previous heartbreaks.

5. They take a while to introduce you to the family

Family is the most important thing. The mama, their sisters, and grandma are the most important women in their life right now. They are the most precious jewel to him. Do not be upset if he doesn’t bring you to the next family reunion unless you have been dating for awhile.

6. Marriage is not as important

Some of these men may have already been married. The young men may have been in a long-term relationship for six years. Once the breakup occurs, they cannot even imagine getting married, or finding someone again.

7. He isn’t looking, he is just doing his own thing

He would rather sit out back by the fire drinking a beer next to his dog on a summer night, rather than go to the bars looking for girls. He would rather have a family game night, or go boating on the lake with his buddies. He would rather hang around the familiar people he knows he can count on.

8. He will never be the same man that he once was

These guys or men change. It only takes one time to get close to someone. To express some type of emotion. The pain they feel after a breakup, they never want to experience it again. They ask GOD for the right girl to come along again someday, but until then, being tied down is not worth it.

In the end, I hope that some of these damaged men are able to take a risk on some of the rare and great girls who cross their path.

Sometimes, we realize what we’ve lost, but it may be a little too late. Even if you are a man who has been damaged, there is still great hope out there for you. GOD is saving the perfect woman for you when the time is right.

He just may never be the same man that he was after he experiences a life-altering heartbreak.