For many, Labor Day weekend was a time to go on road trips, to visit family, to watch football, or to do last minute summer activities. For me it was coming to terms with my silent friend, depression.
Thinking about it now, I’ve known about my friend for years. Depression was always a constant companion. If anything, depression became my best friend my junior year of high school. There are days where I wanted to get out of bed, and explore, but depression whispered. It tempted me, calling me back into bed. I lost the battle each time and found myself 5 hours later, in bed with its cold embrace.
I found myself walking around, hand in hand with depression, smiling and telling people that I was ‘okay’, and they bought it. That was my best talent: convincing people I was ‘okay, and ‘just tired’. Pretty soon I mastered the skill, and I began to come up with new, creative excuses.
“Yeah, I’m just tired. You know, long night of studying.”
“Oh yeah, everything’s alright! Just exhausted, I worked out this morning.”
“Of course, I promise I’m okay. I just didn’t sleep well last night. No worries, I’m heading right up to my bed to take a nap.”
I would say anything to get people to stop worrying. I didn’t want people to know that I was sad. Depression convinced me I didn’t, and shouldn’t, tell them what was wrong.
They have better things to do than to worry about you.
Stop it. All you’re going to do is just burden them with your sadness!
How are THEY going to help? Even YOU don’t know why you’re sad. How are they going to help you, if you can’t even help yourself?
So I feed them the white lies. I continued with my day like any ‘normal’ human being.
I would like to say I’m 110% ‘okay’ now but I’m not. I’m actually scheduled for my first counseling session this month, to work with my depression. Surprisingly enough, I’m not the only person who is struggling with this. Many people my age struggle with depression. So if you think you’re alone, you’re not. I can promise you that. I can also promise you it will get better, because there are people who care. Who will listen and guide you.
Breathe. Come fight through another day with me. We can do it. Together.
