When I was 20-years-old I found my self sitting in the middle of my bathroom floor staring at five, yes FIVE positive pregnancy tests. I could not believe my eyes. Just the year before, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, a disorder that causes the ovaries to develop collections of fluids and cysts and can cause the ovaries to fail to release eggs. Knowing that I had this disorder, I thought that having a child would be something that would be difficult, maybe not even possible for me. Of course, knowing that, I became very upset and depressed at the fact that I could possibly not have a a child. But that's the thing about God's timing. It is always right.
On November 17, 2010, at 8:19 P.M. I gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy. Sam. In all my life I had never seen anything more perfect. I fell madly in love. The child that I thought I may not have, was then placed into my arms. And I was complete.
Adjusting to my new role as a mother had it's challenging times, of course, but after going through life wondering what it was all about I finally knew. And I loved every minute of motherhood. Fast forward eight months and I took on another new role in my life. Single mother. At first, the transition was rough. Finding a new place to live, a part time job, and trying to finish college all while taking care of a baby. To say that my strength was tested is an understatement. I never would have made it through without my amazing support system of family and friends. And of course, My God.
The thing about being a single mother that I have learned, I mean just one of the many things, is that you discover how strong and resilient you are. It seems like it is something that is impossible to do. How are you suppose to manage without someone there to help you? Being a single parent is taking on the role of 2 people, but it's just you. Everything is done, all by yourself. Cooking. cleaning, laundry, making bottles, feeding snacks, picking up toys, teaching your baby new things and everything in between. Then, you drag yourself to bed and fall right to sleep because you are so exhausted only to get up the net morning and do it all over again. It's a never-ending cycle… and it is amazing. You have this tiny human depending on you, looking up to you and believing in you, even when they don't know that they are doing it. Although, Sam's father is still in his life and is a good daddy, it's me there for him all the time. Looking back now, I am so thankful that I was able to complete college and have my son watch me walk across the stage and receive my Bachelor's Degree. He was my motivation to push through and the one thing that I wanted the most was to make my son proud to have me as his mother and to show him that no matter what, you can accomplish anything he wants.
We've moved four times. Sam has gone to two daycares. And it has all been totally worth it. I am so proud to be raising this guy, just me and him. I would be lying if I said that even after almost five years as a single parent, that it isn't difficult. Sure, there are things that I wish hadn't happened or could have gone a different way, but at the end of the day, I'll always have the love of my life. My amazing little dude. I would have laid down and given up so many times if I didn't have him to push me to keep going. Everyday I wake up and it's a brand new day with my son. And I am thankful. The one thing I wanted so badly and thought that I would never have, became mine. Of all the things that i have taught my son or teach him in the future, I hope there is one thing that he has learned, and will never forget… I'll always be here. No matter what, I want him to know and understand that anything that happens in the crazy thing called life, either mine or his, I am the one thing that he can always count on. To be there for the big things, the small things, and everything in between. When he looks in his corner, he'll see me every, single time. There is nothing in this world that I won't do for that kid. Boy mom for life!
"For this child I prayed. And the LORD has given me my petition which I asked of Him."
1 Samuel 1:27
