When I was in high school I accepted a definition of love that I would hope I am able to raise my children, one day, to never accept. I think every girl has a heartbreaking story from their life where they accepted less than they deserved. One that they don’t regret because they learned way too much from the relationship to ever wish it away. I thought that being told what you could or couldn’t do was normal. Going through phones, the mistrust and the tears, all normal. I went into college believing that love meant giving second chances, even if that meant disregarding your own self-respect. I learned the hard way that though I may have loved with all of my heart there are some people who simply are not capable of loving me in the way I deserve to be loved.

As I went forward I thought I had matured by being cynical and smart by not trusting anyone. If I liked someone I would look for what I considered to be red flags. If I found even one, without an explanation I would part ways. I thought that not being vulnerable meant I was strong. If I was meant to be with someone then it would, magically, work itself out for me with little to no effort on my behalf. Instead, it meant I was lonely and much more like the hard hearted people who had hurt me. It wasn’t until a few more rough relationships later and being surrounded by a lot of great relationships that I developed my new perspective on love. I now know the characteristics I want in the person I give my time and effort to, and I now know that I won't ever settle for less than someone who meets, or even exceeds what I know to be reasonable expectations.

Love is not..

• Controlling, demanding, or untrusting at all.
• Tears or something that puts your self-respective on the line.
• Altering someone to fit the you that you were hoping they’d become instead of accepting them as they were
• Easy. There will be times when the easier choice will be to walk away. However, most times the easy choice and the right choice are not the same.
• Unfaithful. A person, who cheats, for any reason, with any excuse, is not someone who is in love with you. No one who loves you will put you in a position to choose between them and your own self-respect.

Love is..

• Laughter!
• A clear mind when you’re with that person. Your stresses and thoughts stop eating at you and everything is silent for awhile.
• Someone who, not only supports and encourages your hopes and dreams but also is there every step of the way to congratulate the small accomplishments along the way.
• Accepting that people are all flawed and once accepting that, never putting them down for those flaws.
• Tears, but it is more than a mere “I’m sorry” to cover the pain. It’s an action to make it up to you and an effort to never cause those tears for the same reason ever agin
• Patience when you’re frustrated, and someone who is not quick to be angered by you.
• Laughter!
• Never-ending sacrifice and compromise.
• Effort, even after the newness has gone and you start to realize that the way she bites her nails when she’s nervous is a tad bit annoying.
• Finding someone who loves the you that you are on day one and will continue to love the you that you will be 10-15 years down the road after life has given you a few ups and down that may have changed you in both negative and positive ways.
• Stumbling upon someone who notices the small things about you and does the little things for you.
• More than a feeling but also a choice everyday and a commitment to someone that will continue even after the honeymoon, the kids, and the obstacles that cause all the bad days along the way
• One more time: Laughter, because no matter what day you’ve had, what stressors you encounter, which life obstacles you are trying to overcome, how amazing of a day you’ve had, coming home to someone who can make you laugh those deep belly aching laughs will never get old. Even when the both of you do.

So, to my future husband, I can't wait to appreciate all the little ways you provide me with this kind of love. To everyone else, never settle for anyone who doesn't meet your "Love is or is not" list. Life has too many mediocre aspects to invite someone into your life who doesn't make every day an adventure. There are too many people on this planet to think there isn't someone out there who is willing to match your effort!