I have always been told I’m a sensitive girl. I feel my own emotions too strongly and pick up on others’ moods with the same intensity as if they were my own. Channeling them into something positive instead of something self-destructive has been one of my biggest struggles. As a teacher of high school students, friend, grad student and partner, I’m surrounded by lots of different energies throughout the day and it’s challenging. Sometimes I visualize myself as Ophelia in Sir John Everett Millais’s painting as a means to escape my emotions and reality. I’m clearly also dramatic.
For a brief time during an emotionally trying and difficult summer, my intense empathy switched to apathy. It was probably a coping mechanism for maintaining my responsibilities in my life, but during this time I realized just how much I have been affected by others in the past. Feeling deeply for others and sometimes being overcome by my own emotions can be exhausting, but there are positive attributes to being an empathetic person, too. Without empathy, it would be hard to support my students when they have challenges. Without empathy, we’d have little reason to help each other. Without empathy, I don’t think we could fully understand sacrifice. As many of us who are empathetic can attest to, there’s always a fear of burn out or bitterness lurking if we become too overwhelmed.
The challenge of maintaining empathy is being able to balance the intense emotions and our need for self-care, which we often ignore. Being able to recognize someone else’s emotions requires a lot of self- awareness, openness, and insight into regulating your own and the other person’s emotions. Because of my sensitivity to others, I’ve often felt lost and exhausted. This then usually leads to seeking validation in often unhealthy ways and a series of apologies for not knowing what I want or feeling like I’m taking up too much emotional space in the room.
The last six years of my teaching career have lead me to be surrounded by some wonderful people, teachers, and mentors who have given me advice on coping. As I’m learning to better manage my emotional levels, I am often reminded by these ideas:
- Be gentle to yourself
- It’s okay if you don’t engage in every battle
- Listen more and ask clarifying questions instead of attempting to solve the problem immediately
- Consider what kind of stimulation you’re taking in every day and make adjustments when things start feeling too overwhelming
- Find healthy ways to recharge
- Practice mindfulness and be aware of triggering thoughts
- Allow yourself to make mistakes
- Self-care isn’t selfish because in order to take care of others, you have to be able to take care of yourself first
