For those close to me, you know I deal with a severe case of anxiety. At one point, it completely took over my life. It ruined relationships, and put me into a deep hole. I now have it under control, and rekindled all past relationships. If you have anxiety, you know how hard it is to manage. I've come a long way so here is my story.
Growing up, I always knew something was off with me. I had many fears in life that just didn't seem normal. Once I was faced with one of my many fears, I would have a panic attack or a sick feeling in my stomach. More like a mixture of butterflies that over took my whole body. Normal people experience this odd sensation when encountered with clowns, or watching a horror film. I would get this feeling while walking in the streets or sitting in a car. Pretty much just typical, everyday stuff.
As I grew older, it seemed to of gotten worse. I let more things bother/scare me. I suddenly became distant with everyone I loved. Going out and being social became such a struggle. I would either freak out or not have fun, at all. Focusing became impossible, and friendships became impossible. A lot of my life is a blur to me because of how intense my anxiety attacks were.
"Friends" of mine used to make fun of me for how I acted when having an episode. Some of the things they laugh about while reminiscing of the past haunts me. My support system was very, very small. The only person I really had to turn to was myself. I am happy that I did overcome a lot of it myself.
Today, different people I have met have taught me ways to cope with it. Yoga (which I am not the best at) taught me how to balance out my mind and take the appropriate amount of deep breaths needed to calm myself down. I used to just act out impulsively while having an anxiety attack, which is the main reason I lost many relationships with others, but now I don't. I feel as if that is a main issue with people who suffer from anxiety. You honestly have to surround yourself with people who understand how to maintain the situation. Bad friends will never help during a serious episode, and will only make it worse.
Having anxiety made me grow up quicker than anticipated. Anxiety doesn't define me, and it never will. Finding new hobbies and friends made me realize the life I was missing. I hid away in the shadows, afraid of who I was/am. Of course I still get anxiety, but now breathing has become easier because I allow it to be. Slowly but surely, my many fears have become a lot more minimal. I feel loved for who I am, and anxiety will never change me ever again.
Breathe. Relax. Happy thoughts.
