My psychology teacher once told me, "What you dream is what you wish." If this was true, I would be dreaming about baseball and baseball boys, or the Stagecoach festival in California.

Instead, I continue to dream about you, the guy I used to be with. I dream that everything fixed itself and that you and I were together again, but since then, I’ve moved on and I’ve dated other guys.

I ask myself, why do I still dream about you? Why do I still dream that everything was okay again? Thinking about this, I remember myself talking to my friend saying, “I wish that when we walked past each other, we could say hi, or smile at the very least.” I wish that we didn’t see each other, and then look away as if we had no idea who each other was. I especially wish that when we pass by each other, you didn’t turn to your friend and start laughing, making me think that you are laughing at me.

One day in late February I was at the gym and I was walking to a treadmill when I passed some guy. I have never seen him before, but he clearly knew me. He looked me straight in the eyes and said your name over and over again, in almost a taunting voice. After that I was so annoyed – I don't think I have ever run so fast in my life. I just kept asking myself, why was that necessary? It’s been four months, yet our past is still coming up.

Yes, I do regret writing the article about you. At the time, I was annoyed and I wish I wrote it a different way but it’s too late now. My friends still talk about it. When I say I need to write an article, they say "Who’s it going to be about this time?" in an obviously sarcastic tone. I laugh it off but it’s not funny anymore – it just starts to hurt. I put a lot of effort into it and wish people would stop putting it down. My other friends say I should be proud I wrote it and that what I write will help other people, and I want that too.

If I didn’t write that article, would we still be talking? Would we at least acknowledge each other? I have been trying to figure out why you have been haunting my dreams.

I think it’s because you were the first guy I have told about what happened to me. You were the first guy who I liked that I told I was sexually assaulted. When I told you, you were so nice about it. You could tell how hard it still was for me and you stayed with me... you comforted me. I shared a big part of who I am and you accepted me for every part of my history. You will always be the first guy I told and I wouldn’t change that. After telling you, it made it a little easier to tell other people.

I think the reason you enter my dreams is that you were a big part of my life. You always will be.

I may have been a minuscule part of your life but I've come to terms with it, and honestly, it's OK. You helped me realize a lot about who I am and I will never forget that. There is a reason some people are put in your life at a certain time. You can learn a lot about yourself from each person you meet, and I learned a lot about myself because of you.

Yes, people will hurt you and you may hurt other people, but you need to learn from it. God puts people in your life for a reason - it strengthens you for the future. Sometimes, I wish we could still be friends. I wish I didn’t write my article how I did because then things might be different.