Growing up in a dysfunctional and very unhealthy household, feeling completely alone was nothing new to me. Most of the time, it was me against the world, and it constantly felt like a losing battle. But overtime, I realized that if so many people were fighting against me, then I should have at least one ally: myself. Eventually I learned to love myself and cherish being who I am, and that made me feel invincible. But others are still fighting this battle and may not know what to do. And with this time of year being holiday season, school and work aren’t always there to distract you, and you will be with yourself more than usual or with people who make you feel as though you’re alone. So, here’s some help for those who feel as though they’re alone.

Accepting yourself for who you are is the first step. I know how cliché this sounds. Trust me, I know. But that really is the first step to being able to be happy and comfortable with yourself. However, this is also the hardest step because in order to enjoy being with yourself and loving who you are, you have to accept who you are as a person. Whether that means accepting all the beautiful parts of your body or your “odd” music taste, to the way you chew your food or take up the entire bed when you sleep. Every single part of you on the inside and the outside is valid, and don’t EVER let anyone tell you or make you feel otherwise. If it’s not harmful you or to others, then it is valid and beautiful, just like you. This step takes a lot longer than any other because you’re teaching yourself to see things with different mindset. With this in mind, please don’t be hard on yourself if you struggle with this. It’s extremely difficult, but remember you’re strong for even trying to change, and it will be so worth it in the end.

It’s all about the little things. Yet another cliché. But again, this one is true. Doing little things for yourself, like making yourself your favorite breakfast in the morning or sitting outside on a nice day, will actually have a really big impact on the way you treat yourself. The nice things you do will be enjoyable, and you will start to want to do these things more and more. It’s also a really good way to stop being so hard on yourself and just let yourself live. If you want to wrap up in a blanket and watch a movie that makes you cry, then do it. If you want to wear an outfit that makes you feel on top of the world even if you’re not leaving your house, then more power to you. Don’t deprive yourself because other people might think it’s stupid or they don’t like it. This isn’t about what other people want. This is about YOU and you only.

You should be one of your own best friends. Think about how you treat your best friend. What do you do when they put themselves down? You reassure them that they are amazing and that you love them, or something of that nature, right? So, when you’re talking to yourself, why is it acceptable to put yourself down like that? The way to combat this that worked the best for me was if I was wanting to comment on how I looked, or criticize a part of my personality, I would imagine me saying those words to a friend. Would it hurt them? Would it put them down? If yes, then don’t say it to yourself because those words will hurt you and put you down. Just like you would with a friend, build yourself up. Encourage yourself. Wearing a new shirt that makes you feel great? Tell yourself how fantastic you look. Having a great hair day? Own it. Did you hold the door open for someone or help someone? Pat yourself on the back for being a nice person. You deserve to be praised and complimented, and sometimes it means the mot when it comes from yourself. You’ll really start to appreciate who you are as a person, inside and out.

And lastly:

Live for you. Plain and simple. You don’t owe anyone anything. Live by your standards and expectations and not someone else’s. It is not your job or your purpose to make them happy, only to make sure that YOU are happy and healthy. This is your life and your life only. People who don’t care about your happiness and your wellbeing have no home in your life. You need to put yourself first and do what is best for you, and if that means cutting of people who are toxic or quitting something that is harmful to you, then that’s what it means. You deserve to be happy, and you should never settle for anything less because you’re worth so much more than that.

I know that this is not a cure for mental illnesses or that this will stop anything bad from happening to you ever. It was never intended to be that way. But feeling safe and secure with yourself makes things easier, and makes you stronger against whatever comes your way. It gives you an ally in this battle we call life. And that value is immeasurable.