I decided to write this article to give an insight of the dating world with anxiety and without. I had help from someone who suffers with anxiety and I am so very grateful for his help.

(Italicized is the anxiety view)

First conversation:

I downloaded a dating app and didn't really think to check it, but something told me to. I saw that a few people had “liked” me, but one in particular made the rest disappear. In big bold letters before me: Madyson, resting beneath pictures of the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen. Too good to be true, right? That’s what I thought too, but nevertheless I immediately sent her a message with very low expectations of receiving a welcoming reply; if one at all. In fact, I was about 60-percent certain she mistakenly liked me, and 90% certain she was a bot. Yes that adds up to 150-percent and that’s how sure I was that nothing would be said past my first hello. And then…

“Hey, what’s up!?”

Still pretty sure this was a bot that was about to invite me to a website where I enter my credit card in exchange for a more intimate conversation, I cautiously respond back. Sure enough, every doubt I have disappeared as this girl actually wanted to have a conversation with me. And talk we did. All night, actually, until she passed out and didn’t respond. My brain kept wanting to tell me she lost interest. She didn’t want to talk anymore, it was just a conversation for the night. Luckily, I have some great friends in a Skype call who remind me it’s 2:30 a.m. and normal people sleep. Oops. Still, I cautiously hoped for the best. This girl seemed different from all the rest. I was eager to learn more about her. I guess we’ll see.

I downloaded this app with no high expectation. I "liked" a few people and left it at that. I had a few conversations with guys who only wanted one thing. Then, I get a "Hey" from this guy who was way out of my league. I figured alright I'll reply but he's probably like rest. I talked to him all night waiting for the typical responses but I never got them. Instead I was having a meaningful conversation. I ended up falling asleep and immediately felt terrible for in the morning but he responded. I saw some potential but I didn't want to get my hopes up.

Night before and right before the first date:

We talked for days and even agreed on a date to meet for the first time about a week and a half into the future. Yeah, that didn’t last long at all. I was dying to meet her. After only a few short days, we both admitted we wanted to meet sooner, and we agreed on the coming Friday! Three days away. I decided I would take her to a favorite Thai restaurant of mine, and all would be good!

I would be telling the biggest lie if I didn’t say I wasn’t nervous. The night before, I was sweating bullets. Now I’ve never felt this nervous for anyone, let alone a first date. Why was I panicking? I’m so excited to meet her, but at the same time I’m having anxiety attacks about things that don’t make sense. I’m feeling like I'm drowning, when I should be feeling like I’m soaring. I calmed myself down the best I could, and went to sleep. I woke up feeling great, getting ready for our first date and I was doing well.

Until I got in the car. “This is real. This is happening…” To anyone else this situation might have been normal. Not all too crazy. But for me? This made everything I was excited and panicking about become a reality. I took a deep breath, started my car, and drove. I was paranoid I would hit traffic, or something would happen to make me late, so I left a little early.

OK, so I left a lot early. I was 35-minutes early so I just decided to sit in my car. Still needing deep breaths, I get a text message from Madyson. “Hi, I’m a little early…. So whenever you get here I’ll be ready!”

And just like that, all of my fears and anxiety go away. I’m about to meet a girl that’s going to change my life. I’m sure of it.

So he asked me on a date for the upcoming Friday. Well, what am I gonna wear? I mean it's probably not going to go far after this. The night before we talked and I could tell he was nervous; I, on the other hand, was not. I was excited to finally meet him because we've had such wonderful conversations.

I had arrived early to the restaurant. I started getting butterflies and I figured he would see me and run the other direction. I sat in my car took a deep breath and texted him that I was early. Here we go.