"May I come in?" That's one question your anxiety will never ask you. Instead, it'll kick open the door, make its way to you, and hold you in an embrace so suffocating that you'll fear for your life. Once you feel absolutely hopeless and are almost convinced that there's no way out, it'll loosen its grip and let you fall - only to make you fear ever so strongly for its return.
I have been living with anxiety for as long as I can remember, but it took me more than a decade to recognize and label the fear that continues to compose much of my life. As discombobulated as it may sound, I can never pinpoint what triggers the fear in me, because in reality, it's a massive cloud of negativity that hovers over my shoulders all the time. Sometimes, the sun shines through it and makes me forget that ugly dark could was ever there. But other times, the sun is nowhere to be found. What prevails is a storm so loud that it makes you scream for help with silent cries. A storm so painful, that you feel the raindrops all over your face in the form of tears.
I never thought that I was capable of love, because I was never able to love myself amidst all the darkness. I was afraid of relationships, I was afraid of loving. So to the man who loves me and continues to pick me up every day, thank you...
Thank you for telling me everything will be alright. Not just once, not just twice, but over and over again for as long as I need to hear it. As weird or insane as it may sound, it's very difficult to believe that everything will be okay - especially when your emotions are at war inside your mind. Hearing these words from the person that matters the most to you acts like a bandage over your wounds, and no matter how hard things may get, you begin to confide in the fact that you'll be alright.

Thank you for letting me cry. One of the hardest things in life is to open up your heart in front of a person and let them see you be in your most vulnerable state. But one of the greatest moments of relief, even during such a difficult time, comes when your partner tells you that it's okay to cry. That it's okay to cry as much and for as long as you'd like, and that he'll be here through it all to hold you, to caress you, and to love and respect you.
Thank you for loving my scars. There was a time when I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I was embarrassed of my flaws and my imperfections. I felt inferior to everyone - no matter how much I reminded myself that I was my own person. Thank you for telling me that my imperfections are what make me unique; they're what make me me. Because you loved me for who I was, I was able to love and respect myself. Thank you for being the mirror I always needed.
Thank you for reassuring me. Thank you for answering every question I ask - even if it's the same question over and over again. You have no idea how much your words mean to me. You have no idea that in times of distress, your words heal me. Thank you for being patient with me, thank you for calming the storm that continues to rage in my mind.
Thank you for the sleepless nights. At 2 a.m., when you'd expect everyone to be sleeping peacefully, my eyes are sometimes wide open. The darkness consumes me, my breathing gets more tense, and so it begins. Thank you staying up with me, thank you for calming me down during such odd hours. Thank you for sacrificing your sleep just so that I don't have to sacrifice mine alone.
Thank you for making me believe in happiness. After some tragic events unfolded in my family, I stopped believing in goodness. I was afraid of being happy and would constantly worry about everything that could go wrong, as I pushed aside everything that was going right. Thank you for making me believe in life once again, for making my heart smile. Thank you for being the person who made me forget the fact that fear ever existed.
Thank you for showing me what happiness feels like. Thank you for loving me when I couldn't love myself.

























