You don't know how much you love somebody until you love yourself. How many times have you heard that? How many times have you told yourself I don't need somebody... I need someone, a person, who understands me? How many times did you ignore that thought because you felt like social media told you, you have to love yourself first, before you can love somebody else?

I've heard these things time and time again and I just thought it was crap. I thought you don't know what it's like to be me... Maybe co-dependency is who I am... Maybe that is what I need; Who are you to tell me that I have to love myself first... Maybe it's somebody else's love that makes me love me.

It wasn't until last year when I left a relationship; I woke up the next day and thought I was going to feel anxiety and anger and depression because I had given up something that I knew I wanted, but I wasn't ready for it... And I was mad at myself for not being ready. I actually woke up to freedom... I felt myself finally feel the ability to understand that loving me is important, it is a priority, and it is the only thing that will separate any person who truly loves me too.

I prepared myself for a lifetime of being alone I prepared myself to think that God planned for me to be alone because he plans for some people to touch others and not to be those that grow his love within their love.


I should have known better.... I was raised in a family that struggles... and still struggles today to be able to make ends meet. I don't just mean the ends that make the hierarchy of life, I mean the ends that makes satisfaction of life the things that make you beyond happy about living.

The hierarchy of life is wrong.

You can't just have bare minimum, but you don't deserve to be given more than that. That's what you deserve to be given, the minimum.... that is true. What you do deserve is the ability to, and the right to, achieve and always strive, for more than what you are given.

Today I realized that I have chosen to love somebody more than I love myself. That is a really crucial part into making sure that I don't put somebody else before my own needs... But that my own needs, my own ones and my own sacrifices, deliver a happiness to myself and to the one that makes me happy.

If your happiness is forsaken for somebody else's then all of those things are true...

You have to love yourself before you love somebody else otherwise you're not going to love you. And they're going to love what you gave them, and what you gave them, isn't real or true... It's what you thought they needed because that's what you thought you had to do to be loved.

The truth is, if you love yourself, you make choices for yourself. If you choose to love somebody else, and love everything that you do, that person will love you too.

If they don't, then why are you sacrificing your happiness for somebody else's? Why are you not loving yourself before you love somebody else?

That makes sense now.... That you do have to love you before you can love someone. If it doesn't make sense to you, maybe you should start making those decisions that make you love yourself too; Because there is a value that is not marketable, that is not replaceable, that is not negotiable.

There's a value to you, that only you can decide. If you're willing to give that up for somebody else's value for themselves.... did you really deserve to be loved...

I wake up everyday and I think about it throughout the day... Multiple times day actually... I think about all the inhibitions, scares, the times I thought I knew what I knew, and now knowing what I know... I think about all of the times I thought I had it figured out.

Then he came along.

He reminded me that I can be myself, I can think the outrageous thoughts that are incomprehensible by 90% of the population; But are 100% realistic to me. He listens, and he cares, and he reassures me that those things are built from unstable foundations of doubt... Mistreated incidence, unlikely real love, and definitely never intended to make me a better person.

He reminds me that a better me means a better home, and a better home means a better us, and a better us means a better future. Whatever the future holds, neither one of us knows.... Together or not, we're benefiting... Because we are always choosing to be happy... Not to be happy for someone else, but to be happy for ourself knowing we support that kind of choice. Regardless of what we truly wanted. We only want the best for each other.

I love you. I promise promise.