Something that's been on my mind lately, is what we call "cuffing season." It's the peak of winter, it's raining for once in Los Angeles. It's the ideal weather to snuggle with a significant other and watch a movie on Netflix, maybe Bird Box, or To All The Boys I've Loved Before (my personal favorite.) But instead, I, like some of you reading this, am not. Instead, I'm here dreaming of the time I could be spending with the significant other that I do not have.
While my first instinct is mope around and jokingly complain about it with my friends, I've realized that all that does is just delay any initiative in solving my 'problem.' And no, the problem isn't about my current lacking of a significant other… But rather, the fact that I feel this disappointed about not being with someone. Why? Because, what I realized is (and strongly want to deny because the reality is quite depressing) that the reason I feel this way is because I don't love myself enough. I don't love myself enough to watch Netflix by myself as it pours. I'm not comfortable enough with myself to spend time alone without thinking of who I could be spending that time with.
Maybe it's less of wanting a significant other, but more wishing I had someone to make me feel warm, loved, beautiful and secure. But why can't I just make myself feel all those things? I have to learn to love myself more: love my actions, my flaws, my mistakes, my victories, and everything in between. Through loving myself, I will be content and happy, in any situation, with or without a significant other. I don't need someone else in my life, but rather wish for one. But the reality is, I wish for another in order to make up for the love I cannot properly yet give myself.
So, learn to love yourself first. Become the type of person who you'd love to be-- be your own best friend. Think about it- imagine you're in a romantic relationship, and it were to suddenly end. Breakups are hard no matter what, but, ask yourself- would you be able to love yourself enough afterwards to pick yourself back up? Would you still think you were beautiful, capable, smart, and all the possible things your significant other was able to make you feel?
I can't say how to love yourself, because I'm still getting there. But, a piece of advice to myself and to anyone who may need it, is try to understand where your heart lies. Do you love yourself enough to truly love another? Because, if you occupy your whole heart with somebody else, loving yourself may be hard, especially if that person were to leave.
I'm no master of love, but this is my advice:
Love yourself first, before you share your love with another.