You Should Always Love Yourself First

You Should Always Love Yourself First

Love yourself, first. Not after, but before romantically loving another.


Something that's been on my mind lately, is what we call "cuffing season." It's the peak of winter, it's raining for once in Los Angeles. It's the ideal weather to snuggle with a significant other and watch a movie on Netflix, maybe Bird Box, or To All The Boys I've Loved Before (my personal favorite.) But instead, I, like some of you reading this, am not. Instead, I'm here dreaming of the time I could be spending with the significant other that I do not have.

While my first instinct is mope around and jokingly complain about it with my friends, I've realized that all that does is just delay any initiative in solving my 'problem.' And no, the problem isn't about my current lacking of a significant other… But rather, the fact that I feel this disappointed about not being with someone. Why? Because, what I realized is (and strongly want to deny because the reality is quite depressing) that the reason I feel this way is because I don't love myself enough. I don't love myself enough to watch Netflix by myself as it pours. I'm not comfortable enough with myself to spend time alone without thinking of who I could be spending that time with.

Maybe it's less of wanting a significant other, but more wishing I had someone to make me feel warm, loved, beautiful and secure. But why can't I just make myself feel all those things? I have to learn to love myself more: love my actions, my flaws, my mistakes, my victories, and everything in between. Through loving myself, I will be content and happy, in any situation, with or without a significant other. I don't need someone else in my life, but rather wish for one. But the reality is, I wish for another in order to make up for the love I cannot properly yet give myself.

So, learn to love yourself first. Become the type of person who you'd love to be-- be your own best friend. Think about it- imagine you're in a romantic relationship, and it were to suddenly end. Breakups are hard no matter what, but, ask yourself- would you be able to love yourself enough afterwards to pick yourself back up? Would you still think you were beautiful, capable, smart, and all the possible things your significant other was able to make you feel?

I can't say how to love yourself, because I'm still getting there. But, a piece of advice to myself and to anyone who may need it, is try to understand where your heart lies. Do you love yourself enough to truly love another? Because, if you occupy your whole heart with somebody else, loving yourself may be hard, especially if that person were to leave.

I'm no master of love, but this is my advice:

Love yourself first, before you share your love with another.

Popular Right Now

The Truth About Young Marriage

Different doesn't mean wrong.

When I was a kid, I had an exact picture in my mind of what my life was going to look like. I was definitely not the kind of girl who would get married young, before the age of 25, at least.

And let me tell you, I was just as judgmental as that sentence sounds.

I could not wrap my head around people making life-long commitments before they even had an established life. It’s not my fault that I thought this way, because the majority opinion about young marriage in today’s society is not a supportive one. Over the years, it has become the norm to put off marriage until you have an education and an established career. Basically, this means you put off marriage until you learn how to be an adult, instead of using marriage as a foundation to launch into adulthood.

When young couples get married, people will assume that you are having a baby, and they will say that you’re throwing your life away — it’s inevitable.

It’s safe to say that my perspective changed once I signed my marriage certificate at the age of 18. Although marriage is not always easy and getting married at such a young age definitely sets you up for some extra challenges, there is something to be said about entering into marriage and adulthood at the same time.

SEE ALSO: Finding A Husband In College

Getting married young does not mean giving up your dreams. It means having someone dream your dreams with you. When you get lost along the way, and your dreams and goals seem out of reach, it’s having someone there to point you in the right direction and show you the way back. Despite what people are going to tell you, it definitely doesn’t mean that you are going to miss out on all the experiences life has to offer. It simply means that you get to share all of these great adventures with the person you love most in the world.

And trust me, there is nothing better than that. It doesn’t mean that you are already grown up, it means that you have someone to grow with.

You have someone to stick with you through anything from college classes and changing bodies to negative bank account balances.

You have someone to sit on your used furniture with and talk about what you want to do and who you want to be someday.

Then, when someday comes, you get to look back on all of that and realize what a blessing it is to watch someone grow. Even after just one year of marriage, I look back and I am incredibly proud of my husband. I’m proud of the person he has become, and I’m proud of what we have accomplished together. I can’t wait to see what the rest of our lives have in store for us.

“You can drive at 16, go to war at 18, drink at 21, and retire at 65. So who can say what age you have to be to find your one true love?" — One Tree Hill
Cover Image Credit: Sara Donnelli Photography

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

I Don't Have To Wear Makeup To Be Beautiful

You don't have to, either.


For about as long as modern makeup/cosmetics/skincare brands have been around, the notion that women have to use any of these cosmetic products to be considered "beautiful" has also been around.

(If you've read my earlier article about red lipstick giving me my confidence back, you would know that I absolutely adore certain skincare/makeup products.)

However, I personally don't believe that I need to wear any kind of makeup to be considered "beautiful." And you don't, either.

I think that we, as a society, have seriously overvalued aesthetic beauty and undervalued the beauty that comes from being a decent, honest, genuine, and kind person. I believe that while makeup has an incredible and transformation-giving effect on women, (and men too, just for the record), that none of us honestly should depend on x, y, and z products to make us feel that we are beautiful, or that our self worth and sense of self should be tied up in how many likes a selfie of us in a full face of makeup get.

And quite frankly, there is so much to love about our makeup free, naturally glowing skin that so many of us hide, simply because society would love to tell us that we're not beautiful, or pretty, or worth very much at all if we don't use [insert new trendy skincare product here].

Well, excuse my French, but I'm calling bull.

It's not okay for any of us to think of ourselves as less than, simply because we're not following those crazy and crappy societal trends. In a culture where "Instagram perfect" pictures are the ideal that every woman, or man, is expected to look up to, I'd say it's pretty revolutionary to dare to bare a fresh-faced look.

No one has to ever feel the need to compulsively put on makeup to be considered "beautiful."

Because, in all reality, makeup can't measure the kind of person you are.

Makeup/skincare products can't measure your kindness, your generosity, your bravery in the face of adversity, or any other kickass quality that you might have. Makeup can't do that; only what's inside of you, if brought out for the world to see, can do that. And yes, I'm well aware of how cliché and "junior high preachy" that sounds.

So, I hope this article will possibly spark some introspective thoughts on what beauty means to you. I hope you start to think about the fact that who you are as a person is not defined by how "attractive" or "beautiful" someone else might tell you you are.

You define who you are as a person, nobody else has that power.

Related Content

Facebook Comments