Dear best friend,

I want you to know, first and foremost, that I love you. I know that you know because I tell you on basically a daily basis. It’s not out of habit that I tell you, it’s not because I feel obligated, but it’s to remind you that you’re one of the most important people in my life.

Most people, especially girls, claim that their “significant other” is the best thing that ever happened to them. But, for me, that’s not true. For me, the best thing that ever happened to me is you. That will always be true from the honeymoon phase, to the actual honeymoon, to my 50th wedding anniversary. He will never quite be on par with you. You were there before him, during him and even after him-- you’ll still be there. You were the one I gushed to over every step of the relationship.

You’re it for me. When something happens in my life– good, bad, weird, ugly or what have you-- the first thing I want to do is pick up the phone to tell you about it. It doesn’t even matter what it is. I will never be able to repay you for the countless hours you spent listening to me cry, complain and vent, for the bellyaches from laughter and for taking 3,785 photos with me and always caring about our SnapStreak as much as I do. I can never thank you enough for all the tears you dried or caught on your shoulder, for all the times you made me laugh through good times and bad and for just being there. You may not always agree with my decisions, but you always support me. You somehow know when to interfere and intervene, and when I just need to make the mistake for myself. You do a good job of balancing the tough love with the nurturing hugs and kind words. I tend to get crazy ideas and go at them with everything I have. I hope you know that I appreciate you being there for the adventures these ideas took me on. You put up with drunk calls, vent sessions, my undying sassiness and my mood swings. You missed me while my life took me from state to state, never faltering in your love. In you, I found more than a friend. I found my partner in crime, my personal cheerleader, my support system and an encourager of my ambitions.

Being friends with me is no easy task. I have a past that haunts me every single day-- a past that left me bruised, broken and damaged. You are the only other person on the planet that is fluent in our secret language of emojis, rolled eyes and wordless looks. I can be loud, obnoxious and annoying. I can wear my emotions on my sleeve too much, or hold them down and hide them away. I can be needy, but I can also go days just needing space. I make mistakes-- pretty big ones-- and I’m not perfect. I am insecure and that requires you to have to constantly remind me that you aren’t going anywhere. I am sorry that you are paying for the previous best friends, the ones who promised to never leave and then left. Granted it was me who pushed them away, and that’s also something I grapple with every day. I had friends get me attached and then just stop talking to me and I am scared every single day that you are going to do that, too. It’s not fair that I make you pay for their actions. I know. It’s not easy or fun being friends with someone who battles depression and anxiety-- I know it’s not. There are nights that are too dark, and it’s everything I can do to make it until the morning. But, you are always my morning. You are always my rainbow after the storm. You don’t judge me for my music taste, or my weird habits, or the bizarre foods I tend to eat. You don’t judge me for the craziness, my random singing or the fact that I’m a complete mess.

Here’s the truth: I would be dead if it weren’t for you. I'm no stranger to thoughts that try to kill me, to feelings that persuade me to take my life and ideations that try to convince me that it wouldn’t make a difference. Insecurity and depression wrap me up tight, whispering in my ear that no one would really be too affected, everyone would be okay. There may be tears, but everyone would move on easily. You come in, like a damn knight, and battle my demons with me. You remind me that, no, you would not be okay nor would several others. It would not be okay. “You promised me you would never hurt me, and losing you would completely shatter my heart. It’d break me,” you say, as many times as I need to hear it. You help me battle my demons and that’s not easy. It’s annoying, frustrating, emotional and overwhelming, I know. I’m sorry. I love you.

I hope you know what a national treasure you are. You draw people in until they feel like they have known you forever. You taught me that asking for a hug is not a sign of weakness and that asking for help is not a sign of failure. You have touched countless hearts. Your spirit in contagious and your laugh is infectious. Your heart is golden and so many people love you. You’re probably the best person I ever met in my life. You have a kind soul, an old soul and a loving one. Hidden behind that wall of sarcasm and wit is a huge heart, compassionate with the deepest understanding.

Thank you for being in my life. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being my friend. You mean more to me than you will ever know.

All my love,
Your best friend