Almost everyone has experienced heartache at least once in his or her life, or might even be experiencing it for the first time ever right now. Saying that it's tough is an understatement.
"Love and Basketball" is my favorite movie. I've probably watched it more than a couple hundred times. It's my favorite movie because every scene had commonalities to real-life issues. I loved the bond that Quincy and Monica (the main characters) had; it felt so real and so genuine. They showed me what love could really be like if you find the right person. When I was younger, I convinced myself that one day I was going to find my Quincy, and live happily ever after–just like in the movie.
When I was 16 years old, I met a boy and I fell in love with him. Even though I was young, I knew that I wanted my happily ever after to be with him–he was my Quincy. We were together for two years, but once we got to college, our relationship became rocky, and it came to an end.
I was devastated and heartbroken over the breakup and to keep it real, I was plain ol' lovesick.
It was my freshman year, and instead of enjoying my college experience, I sat in my dorm room and felt miserable. Some of you may know what I am talking about: my appetite was gone, the tears would not stop falling, and it felt impossible to get out of my bed.
(Keep reading, those feelings are temporary; I promise.)
Months had gone by after we went our separate ways, and it still felt like my heart was shattered into pieces all around me. I was eager to pick up the pieces and put my little heart back together. So, admittedly, I started looking for easy fixes. I tried to replace him with someone new. (I don’t knock that tactic; it just didn’t work for me. If you do it, be sure you don’t hurt the new person with classic rebound interest.) I deleted all of our pictures off of my phone, and I even went as far as blocking him from my social media forums. I tried to completely forget about my Quincy but I realized that I couldn't, and I'm glad I didn’t. The good in our relationship outweighed the bad, but when you're going through it, all you see is the bad.
My next phase was the waiting game. I decided to wait on my man! Remember, I believed my relationship was parallel to Quincy and Monica’s, so when they broke up and got back together, I just knew that it would be the same for us.
I held on to that hope for a long time, and every time I felt like letting go, something would change my mind, and make my grip a little bit tighter.
(It’s a process. Ultimately the grip will release in time. Hang in there if you're going through it right now.)
However, hanging around proved to be a mistake for me, because while I was waiting, my guy moved on with his life.
What I know now that I didn’t know before was the only real way to get over heartache is time.
It takes time to get over someone you loved deeply; there really is no easy fix.
(Prayer and familial support really does help to get you through the rough times. And ice cream.)
Breaking up with someone that was your everything kind of feels like a death in the family. Not only did I lose my boyfriend, I lost my best friend and my confidant.
I realized that I couldn’t rush the process; I needed to take the time to mourn my loss. I didn’t need to find someone new right away, I needed to take the time to find myself and love myself. And most importantly, I needed to let go and let life flow.
(Life will flow when you set small goals to feel better and stick to them.)
When I was going through my healing process, I stumbled across a quote on Instagram that truly inspired me. It gave me a whole new perspective, and it really helped to make the healing process more tolerable.
“At some point, you have to love yourself enough to let the last chance be the last chance. You can’t keep holding on to what used to be, praying a person’s potential somehow develops into what you thought it would. You can love a person with everything in you but if the timing isn’t right, it just won’t work. You can’t force it, and so you shouldn’t have to…The love is still there… It's just gotta be from a distance now.” – Rob Hill Sr.
Amazing, right? I thought so, too. After two years of battling this heartache, I am finally better, and I am happy! In the spirit of the words from the quote, I will always have love for him, and I will always care for him–but it is from a distance now.
I still believe that he is a good person, and I know that he will definitely be someone’s Quincy, but I realized he is not my Quincy–and I am finally at peace with that.
So, to all of the people who may be going through it right now, just know it's going to be okay. Say it with me: IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY. Maybe not right away, but I can assure you that you will feel better if you just let the process run its course and make an effort to be happier than the day before.
You just have to give it time, because as cliché as it might sound, time really does heal a broken heart.
So grieve, cry lots of tears) lean on your support, but also have the will to move on. Every day will become a little easier, and every day you will get a lot stronger.
