44 Things That Will Happen Before Duke Ever Beats Cuse
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44 Things That Will Happen Before Duke Ever Beats Cuse

28. There will be no more Canada Goose jacket sightings on campus.

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44 Things That Will Happen Before Duke Ever Beats Cuse
Caitlin Johnston

Duke plays Cuse. At home. On Saturday.

In honor of the biggest game day of the year, here are 44 things that will inevitably happen before Duke beats Cuse (especially at the Dome).

1. Kent will give SU students a snow day.

2. It will stop snowing in Syracuse.

3. Syracuse won't have a winter.

4. Syracuse football will win a national championship.

5. The promenade won't be slippery.

6. Pete Sala will never send another email.

7. Archbold construction will be complete.

8. All construction at SU will be complete.

9. Abroad girls will stop posting about being abroad on Instagram.

10. Frat boys will stop drinking Natty Lite.

11. SU campus will be plowed properly.

12. The DO will stop publishing articles.

13. The buses will actually be on time.

14. The sidewalks will be cleared.

15. We will get tired of tender Thursday in the dining hall.

16. Otto will be unmasked.

17. Georgetown will stop sucking.

18. The promenade will see 44 more falls.

19. Kent will actually cancel more than just evening classes.

20. Syracuse tuition will be free.

21. Fraternities will stop throwing front yard parties on sorority bid day.

22. Syracuse will plow.

23. Hungry Chucks will return to Marshall Street.

24. A blizzard will actually be a good enough reason to cancel classes.

25. The sun will shine in Syracuse more than 3 days throughout the school year.

26. You will be able to find a team room in Whitman.

27. You will be able to find a seat in Schine during sorority sis dating season.

28. There will be no more Canada Goose jacket sightings on campus.

29. The heating system on the promenade will actually be a good thing.

30. Otto will stop riding around on his scooter.

31. You will find an outlet in the basement of bird.

32. People living on the Mount will stop complaining about the stairs.

33. Sorority girls will stop saying, "I am not like your normal sorority girls."

34. You won't hear a sorority girl, who is wearing Birkenstocks, Lulu lemon leggings, and a Patagonia pull over, say "I look homeless today."

35. Jesus man will cease to exist.

36. The guy who owns Shirt World will stop yelling at you about the "daily" deals.

37. There won't be a line at the Schine Dunkin.

38. You won't ice skate your way to parties.

39. Saturdays won't be for the boys.

40. Tom Brady won't be in conversation ever again.

41. Massholes won't exist.

42. New Jersey people will stop defending New Jersey.

43. The "whose bagels are better" argument will be resolved.

44. Cuse students will stop bleeding orange.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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