For the longest time, I've had the idea that if I wasn't with someone I wouldn't be whole. That if I was with someone they might be able to fix a part of me that I haven't managed to fix on my own. I became so worried that I might end up alone, I've heard all the talks about my mindset. I'm far too young to think that, I still have a life to live, I still have time, etc. That is easier said than done with me being able to accept that especially with how I am.
I overthink way too much, had issues really accepting all of myself, and trying to figure out how to present myself to others in a way that made me seem "normal" or the ideal guy that people want to be with. I was worried about being with a girl so much that at times I wasn't honest with myself about whether I want to be single and focus on myself or be in a relationship at that point and time. Being me was difficult to navigate, and I've obviously learned a lot about myself, the people I want/don't want, my dreams, and the like.
Being able to grow and being a better version of myself each and every day holds very dear to me, and I forgot that sometimes doing that is more important than trying to force myself into something not meant for me or trying to be something I wasn't. That was the problem I wasn't 100% myself, but recently I've been starting to appreciate myself and all my quirks and whatnot, trying to love myself more each and every day. Realizing that I deserve better and that If certain people don't like 100% of my honest self and who I am then they don't deserve to be a part of my life.
I've learned to appreciate and love being single more ever since seeing this comedian named Daniel Sloss a while back, and him mentioning this analogy to life in the form of a jigsaw puzzle. The analogy boils down to this, in life we're all trying to form the picture we want for ourselves in terms of family, friends, etc., but like any jigsaw puzzle we start from the outside and work our way in since we also "lost" the box to what our jigsaw puzzle will look like. So we move around pieces as life goes on, catering to our needs and wants at the time figuring out what we want to do, who we want to be with/around, etc.
That with relationships especially, we try to fit in pieces to our jigsaw that we know doesn't quite fit, but we do our best to make it so because it's easier to accept being in a relationship instead of being true to yourself and someone loving all of you that includes quirks, faults, friends, family, dreams, interest, etc. We wish to be in a relationship so bad, that we sometimes forget that the purpose of being in one is being with someone that does love all of us, all aspects of our lives, friends and families. That being with someone not only means them loving us to their fullest but also making us better each and every day.
Being single isn't the end all be all of things, but it is a time for us to make sure we grow as individuals, to love ourselves to our fullest potential and realizing our self-worth when it comes to the people in our lives, what we want to do, and making sure we're with someone that loves all aspects of us and being able to fix ourselves first before jumping headfirst into something we're not prepared to manage.
