I’m 23 years old now. I’ve fallen madly in love three times, dated multiple different types of people, kissed multiple different types of people, been in physical relationships, been in emotional relationships, been in poisonous relationships, prosperous relationships, relationships that have ended too soon, and relationships that couldn’t have ended soon enough. The things I’ve learned about the dating world in 2016 is twofold; that love ain’t the movies and everyone thinks love should be like the movies. We’ve all grown up watching films like the Notebook, P.S. I Love You, Australia, (enter any cheesy movie), etc. where a love story is told in a matter of hours.

Now, before I get started, let's acknowledge that some readers will want to kill me because they are madly in love and others will be laughing because.... I'm making good points. Just wanted to let the readers know that I'm aware that love is a touchy subject.

There are three types love story arcs in Hollywood and in order to understand why they're bogus, it’s important to know what they are.

Story arc one goes like this. Girl and Guy fall madly in love. Something bad happens in the middle of the movie. Girl and Guy separate. Meet later and fall back in love. We’ll call this story arc the “Happy Ending”.

Story arc two goes like this. Girl and Guy fall madly in love. Girl or Guy is rich and from a different social class.They are doomed from the beginning but, “give it a go” anyway. Something bad happens in the middle of the movie. Girl and Guy separate. Meet years later and fall back in love. We’ll call this story arc the “Happy Ending with a Social Class Obstacle”. If you didn’t notice… one and two are not that different.

Story arc three goes like this. Girl and Guy fall madly in love. Girl or Guy get’s struck with great tragedy. One dies, one gets sick, one has to go to college, one gets deployed, etc. You guessed it… this happens in the middle of the movie. Girl and Guy separate. Meet years later and fall back in love. (Unless they died… in that case, they fell in love with someone nearly identical to the person) We’ll call this story arc the “Happy Ending with an Uncontrollable Obstacle”. If you didn’t notice…. Three isn’t that different from one and two.

Now if you couldn’t sense my sarcastic undertones in the above story arc explanations, then you’re a hopeless romantic (nothing wrong with that) or have yet to truly have your heartbroken. So, let’s get into the brutal honesty of why “love ain’t like the movies”.

First, let’s say the obvious point. Love is a process.Hey, I wish love was like the movies. They make it seem easy….. if we lived for two hours. That being said, movies leave out all the stuff that sucks. Let’s list a few. Paying bills, having to pay for the extravagant wedding in the Bahamas, the frequent battle of doubting if you made the right decision after that bad argument(s), the evolution of love past the “infatuation stage”, and worst of all, falling out of love for no reason. These are all imminent and important parts in the process of love that The Notebook calculatedly skipped over to paint this pretty picture of love. For example, if you don’t think Allie questioned whether she made the right decision to ditch the financially stable Lon Hammond Jr. for the financially unstable Noah, then you’re fooling yourself. Furthermore, if you think Noah didn’t feel inferior due to his social class even after Allie decided to return to him, then you’ve never dated someone who has been involved with a guy who makes the big bucks while you’re a poor college kid. But, the movie skipped over all these elements and instead opted for a photo montage of a happy couple growing old together. The point is, there are way more elements at play in the process of love than just “I love her” and “I love him” and all those elements are important obstacles to building a lasting relationship. But, instead of tackling these obstacles together, many modern lovers act like a deer caught in headlights and run at the first sign of trouble thanks to Hollywood.

Second, love doesn’t need to be dramatic, but movies say different. Do we really need a tragedy for love to be love? Does Leonardo DiCaprio have to die for love to truly be love (Titanic)? Does a war have to separate two people for it to be love (Australia)? Do parents have to hate the significant other due to their social class for it to be love (The Notebook)? Movies always add this element that employs some sort of drama that really isn’t real. But, thanks to Hollywood, relationships are becoming harder and harder because real people think it does. I, personally, have caught myself constructing unnecessary fears like “am I good enough for her parents” or “is she good enough for my parents” or “is our relationship too boring”.The fact of the matter is, this stuff is crap and lovers should just concentrate on being happy. You don’t have to have drama to have a relationship.

Third, Hollywood makes cheating seem like a necessary part of relationships. Let’s clarify, cheating takes many forms. And to most broadly define it, it involves doing anything behind your significant others back in secret. From messaging another person with intentions beyond friendship to having a full relationship on the side. Cheating sucks and I’ve seen too many good relationships die due to cheating. Modern pop culture can’t make a love story anymore without introducing some form of cheating into the mix and it’s really screwing any chance of us having a meaningful relationship. From movies like Dear John to pretty much any modern TV show, you can see at least one-character cheating on their significant other. Thanks to these influences, we are becoming an increasingly “cheating culture”, and Hollywood is normalizing this trend like it is commonplace in any relationship. It goes without saying that this isn’t going to help your relationship...it’s only going to end it faster than Beyoncé’s Lemonade.

Fourth and worst of all, Hollywood is creating unreal standards for love. Let’s be real, not all of us are the dark, mysterious, troubled, and brutally handsome Ryan Gosling…. Nor do we want to be. But, Hollywood is making it seem like this is the type pf person girls need to fall in love with, deeming all others who don’t fit this criteria “boring”. Furthermore, not all of us are the incredibly successful, bright, bubbly, all American Rachel McAdams…. Nor will we ever be .I’ve caught myself prior to many dates, constructing what the ideal female should be and anytime my date strayed away from these characteristics, the chance of a relationship was over. Hollywood is constructing these character types that we have to fall in love with. The mysterious, strong, successful type. The goofy, class clown, outgoing type. The sweet, naïve type.The wild, dangerous type. The list goes on and on.What it neglects is that people can display a combination of all these characteristics or none at all.Thus, we are falling in love with these Hollywood stereotypes and not giving a chance to anyone that doesn’t fit these qualities. A perfect example of this is the “nice guy”, who has been passed up for years in our society across our nation for the dangerous a$$hole. And thanks to Hollywood, more and more nice guys are opting for the dangerous a$$hole persona, even if it is not their true self, because movies deem them boring. Hollywood did coin the phrase, “Nice guys finish last”.

So, to end this, I want to acknowledge all of the people who are madly in love and doing it right, without the influence of Hollywood. Keep going! I'm jealous of you because my experiences have left me cynical and this article is wrought with cynical undertones. That being said, let’s acknowledge that we have all been influenced at one point or another by Hollywood love stories and see the above list in action on a daily basis. It’s time we acknowledge that Hollywood love stories aren’t real love stories and stop letting them end good relationships before they begin or worse, end long lasting relationships because they aren’t Notebook worthy. Being in love is arguably the greatest feeling on earth, but we need to define love for ourselves and not let Hollywood define it for us.

Lastly, let’s acknowledge that the “say I’m a bird” scene in The Notebook is arguably one of the stupidest scenes in motion cinema history…

If you take the bare minimum from this article. It is this....People aren't birds.