Living with anxiety and depression are the hardest things I have done. I spoke briefly of a day in the life of anxiety, but have you realized the consequences of my own emotions? Emotions have no boundaries. They are open for combat at anytime. The war within myself is fierce. I hope someday things look up. I am very bad at making impulse decisions. I think about them, and all the negative possibilities. My therapist told me a few weeks ago, I need to let go of the negative. Letting go of something with an unknown source is very hard. To explain further I have created a poem to help.

LOST.

I laid down on the bed,

Thoughts swirling around in my head.

What happens if this doesn’t work out?

Where will we be then?

Questions were unlimited.

My mind was about as busy as an airport.

Responsibilities maxed out.

I’m not sure where to go.

I’m looking for signs to point us in the right direction

But all these broken turn signals are not helping.

Distractions, Distractions.

Help. Help. Help.

I long for a desire to be happy within my day.

I long for a desire to not have to worry.

I long for a desire to just be.

I am longing for air. Gasping.

I choke on my own words.

Words that belong to feelings such as

Love, Like, and Want.

Salvage the good, forget the bad.

I always thought about life this way.

Go with the flow, attempt a life.

But it isn’t always easy.

I am lost in my own mind.

I can not be saved.

I attempt to save myself,

And the result is always the same.

Hurt. Pain. Lust. Strange.

I am always late.

Disconnected from reality.

Disconnected from the source.

I’m leaving now.

As you can see, my thoughts are all over the place. That happens frequently with this condition of cognitive dissonance. Many people do not understand. They assume "she’s fine." Just because I say, FINE! Does not necessarily mean that I am fine. I am lost. Save yourself, do not allow me to self destruct around you. It is not safe. Save yourself the pain and heartache, and run.