This isn't going to be another post about losing yourself whenever you meet some dumb boy (although don't do that because boys are awful). This is about me losing myself whenever I found Christ.
I grew up in church. It's just how my family was, attending every service. I'd go listen to the preacher preach and sing the worship songs. However, I felt like it was mandatory, not something that I wanted to do. I wasn't realizing the difference between religion and relationship. Up until the last year or so, I had just the religion. I wasn't truly investing my time in growing my relationship with Christ.
My life had been just about me. It was about how I wanted to live, who I wanted to spend my time with, and the words that came out of my mouth. It was not about who was a good influence on me. It was not about the places I was going to spend time with "friends". It was not about bettering myself. It was about my flesh winning me over and I didn't do anything to stop it.
This last year, I got a reality check. A childhood friend of mine passed away, a man who became a close family friend passed away, and my life saver, my grandmother, passed away. I'm not going to lie, I was mad at God. I couldn't begin to fathom why these wonderful people had been taken away whenever there were murderers and rapists walking the streets. For awhile, I stopped attending church and praying. I was hurting and hurting bad. I didn't realize how broken I was. I thought I was having a good life, going out with friends, making poor decisions and using foul language. Whenever you're engulfed in sin, you become blind. You don't think your poor decisions are poor decisions.
One day, I had a breakthrough, I guess you could call it. I was on Facebook scrolling and I saw a message from Steven Furtick. His message was talking about how you may not know what the future holds, but you do know who holds your future. I honestly broke down. It was that slap in the face that I needed.
I began diving into the Word. I changed my mindset. I changed what I listened to. I changed what I said. I changed how I lived. People began to notice too. I lost "friends". I got ridiculed for changing my ways and not going out. Whenever you lose yourself in Him, somehow, the awful people begin to fade away. Not everyone you lose is a loss. The biggest loss I'm thankful for was myself.
I lost myself and I found Him. I fell in love with Him and with our relationship. I've still got a lot of growing to do, but I've been better and happier than I ever have been. I feel like such a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I lost myself when I found Him, and I couldn't be happier.
