I never thought that I would be the girl who looses faith in our Savior, yet I somehow did. I was in a very dark place in my life, and I was fighting with depression. I attempted to take me life, several times in this time period. I prayed to God, and I would read my bible to give me some sort of reassurance. I remember the day that I was lead astray the path of righteousness. I was sitting in my bed, crying out to the Lord. I was praying that he would make everything better, that I would get out of Foster Care, and go back home with my mother. I cried, and cried as I prayed to him. Then, suddenly, something inside me snapped and I become enraged at the Lord. I began to feel all my love for him fade as I questioned him.

"Why did you allow this to happen?"

"Where are you?"

"How could you allow me to feel this pain?"

I no longer had faith in him. I couldn't understand how a God, who is supposed to love me, could allow me to go through so much pain. I told my foster family about my feelings of suicide that night, because I didn't completely want to die. Part of me wanted nothing more than the pain to end, but I also wanted to have the chance to see my two little brothers grow into men.

Have Your Voice Heard: Become an Odyssey Creator

I was sent to Heartland, which is basically a mental hospital. This was my second time here, so I knew what to expect. We weren't allowed to have any strings, because we could use those to hang ourselves. That meant, our shoelaces, and hoodie strings came out. Our bras weren't allowed to have underwire, because we could harm ourselves with that as well. I had to spend 2 1/2 weeks there. It doesn't seem like a long time, but it felt like years. Everyday consisted of group meetings, where we shared why we were there, and our life stories. Then I would have a meeting with my personal counselor, and also my doctor who prescribed me with antidepressants, and diagnosed me with "Severe Recurrent Depression." Everyday was the same events, at the same time. I slowly began to get better, and at the end of 2 1/2 weeks, they felt I could go home, back to my foster family.

Even when I returned home, I hadn't had my faith back. I felt so lost, and alone, even though I was surrounded by so many people who loved me. I can't explain all of the feelings that I felt almost everyday, but I can say 'true happiness' wasn't one of them. I still struggled with my depression, and I never truly wanted to be alive. I didn't feel like I had a direct purpose in the world. I soon got sent to a Group Home, while my two little brothers stayed with the foster family. This tore me apart, and made me even further from the lord. My whole family was broken apart, and I felt completely alone.

I lived in the Group Home for about 3 years before I left. I might tell you, that it was my Senior Year of High school, and the owners of the Group Home allowed me into their home, as my new foster parents. They were so good to me, and they were true followers of Christ. I loved them, and I am so very grateful for all the things they taught me, but I never found my way back to Christ while with them either. I went to church with my foster mother almost every Sunday, but never truly felt anything. I never had a change of heart, or allowed God back in.

After I graduated High school, I moved to Bolivar with my best friend. It wasn't until a little after this I found my faith. I was talking to a woman who is also sort of my 'mother'. I was telling her that my mother was in Prison, and I didn't know what to do. She had said "Taya, I will pray for you, and I pray that God gives you sign, to let you know he is here for you."

That same day, as I was walking around the square, I found a rock. And, Here in Bolivar they do this 'Bolivar Rocks' thing, where people paint rocks, and place them in different places to be found. This one rock, changed my life. The Rock had a painting light shining down upon a moved boulder, and said "He is here"

This one rock, brought back the beginning to my faith. I knew that God was speaking to me, and letting me know that 'He is Here'. I was slowly brought back onto the path of Righteousness. I began to pray again, and I began to believe. I began to put my trust, and faith into God again. My life began to change for the better, and I began to see.

I see that God was there with me, the whole time I was in my depression. I attempted to end my life, several different times, and each time I failed. God has a plan for me. There is a reason he kept me alive to see today. I went through a trial, and I found my way back. .Now I am walking with the Lord, and my faith is so much stronger than what it was before. I am so happy, that I have a God who loves me the way he does. I am happy to have a God that never gave up on me, and welcomed me with open arms.

Be patient with the Lord, because he is patient for us. He does answer our prayers, it's just not always the answer that we want.

"Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them" John 7:38