As a little girl, I always imagined what major events in my life would be like. For example, my high school graduation, my college graduation, my wedding, my first job, when I have children, etc. When imagining these events, I often thought about who would be by my side to experience them with me. My parents, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, my sisters and brother, my friends, and the list goes on. Let's be honest, for the events that have not happened yet, I still imagine what they will be like and who will be there. However, for recent events and events that are coming in the future, they did not and will not happen the way I always imagined them.
When I was a child, my dad was my coach, my biggest supporter, my role model, and ultimately, my best friend. He was the one I went to when I needed advice, when I needed help with a sport that I was playing at the time, when I needed a good laugh, or when I just needed to talk because I always knew that he would be there to listen. Even though when it came to sports I did not always want to listen to his advice on how I should play, I always took it because I knew that more often than not, he was right. That was one thing about my dad, he knew how to give great advice.
In 2011, when I was 12 years old, my dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. I still remember the day when I found out and how my dad took my face in his hands because he did not want to see me cry. After that moment, I thought about how my nicknames "Meno" and "Tootie Pie" would go away, or how there would be no more late night drives without a destination just to get out of the house and "take a ride". These little things were what I thought about. He was given about two years, but in reality got one month. I still remember every detail of what happened on the day he passed away. I do not think those memories will ever go away.
Those events that I talked about, my dad was not able to experience and will not be able to experience them. I often find myself wanting to ask him for advice or wanting to go to him just to talk because he was such a great listener, only to realize that he is not here for me to do that. I know that he is here with me spiritually, but there is not a day that goes by where I don't wish that he was here with me to experience my journey with me as I grow up. I still have all of the memories that I experienced with my dad. For example, when we went miniature golfing and I fell into the water trying to get my ball back, or when I would go to work with him sometimes and work his computer. All these memories will never go away. What makes it a little bit easier is talking about these memories and still learning about all of the other memories people shared with my dad. People say it gets easier, and in a sense it does, but the pain never goes away.
So here's to you dad, I love you, I miss you, and I hope I am making you proud!
