To the best friend that I lost. I didn't think it would be us— the ones that “drifted apart”. I always heard that it was normal for time and distance to dissipate friendships, but not ours. I thought to myself, our friendship of 12 years was too strong for time to touch. I thought you would be my maid of honor. Without a doubt, you were my best friend. You were my person. You were the one who knew me better than I knew myself. I wonder if it would still be that way now.

Its hard for me to pinpoint exactly what happened— where it all went wrong. Maybe it was the boy, maybe it was just me. I always knew if we went months without talking, we would be like sisters the moment we sat down together again. I guess there was never really a defining turning point. It was more of a gradual unspoken drift. I hope you never thought I wanted you to go. I still told everyone in college about you, that my best friend was just a city away.

I hope your family knows how much I miss them. I didn’t know losing my best friend would be like losing a second family. I could come over and talk to your mom about everything on my mind, you didn't even have to be home. Your little sister, was my little sister. Your home, was my home too.

Its now been years since we’ve been where we used to be. I always told myself we were probably still fine, but I know we’re not. When I see pictures of you, I wonder how you’re doing. You look so happy, and I truly hope you are. I wonder if your new friends know what your dreams were growing up. I wonder if they know you wanted to be famous. You didn't know how or for what, but you wanted to be known. And I told you that you would be. I hope your new boyfriend is everything you ever wanted him to be, and more. I hope he makes you happier than you ever thought was possible. I wonder if he knows who I am.

I don't mean to play any sort of victim. Friendships are a two-way street, it's just as much my fault as it may be yours. Every time I’d think to reach out to you, I’d tell myself, “she would if she wanted to.” How foolish of me to not know you were saying the same thing.

To the best friend that I lost. I hope you know I still miss you. I wonder if we’ll ever be where we used to be, or if our story is just like the rest. I hope you know how much you mean to me. I hope my children grow up with a best friend like you by their side. But that this time, that friend won't fade. I hope maybe they'll even know who you are.

I realized friendship is like two people across a bridge— you may cross back and forth into each other's worlds once a day, or once a year. But as soon as something chips at that bridge, the support weakens. Eventually, without knowing at all, a whole pillar has fallen. The more time that goes by, you realize the entire bridge has sunken. Crossing back and forth into each other's worlds now will just never be the same— but at least I can still see across the other side.

Love always, your "old" best friend.