Earlier this week I found myself thinking a lot about a topic that I am actually told not to think about on a regular basis. Shocker, right? But here I am, a teenage girl sitting in the middle of math class, thinking about sex. Yes, you read that correctly. Sex. However, not in the connotation that you might assume.
I’m not talking about some imaginary porno stuck on repeat in my head. That isn’t it at all. In fact, I wasn’t even thinking about the act of sex itself at all but rather the act of thinking about sex and what it all means to be a teenage girl who is (or is not) sexually active in today’s society. After all, women are plagued by this absurd idea that “virginity” = purity, and if you allow even the most insignificant fingerprint to taint that precious glass body of yours, well, you’re automatically tarnished for life. Does that seem a bit twisted to anyone else?
When I was younger I received a lot of unsolicited advice from all sorts of people about when I should and shouldn’t begin partaking in this forbidden act, with a strong emphasis on waiting. By far the most disturbing tidbit of advice I was given as a child went a little something like this:“keep your innocence as long as you possibly can!” There is not a doubt in my mind that this was about sex, there’s no mistaking it. I remember how it made me feel so uncomfortable and out of place, and now I look back on these moments and I just feel so... disgusted.
I mean, how terrible is it that a girl’s sexuality is linked to her “innocence?” Following this linguistic logic, when you’re no longer a virgin, you are “guilty.” And that is exactly how it makes us feel; that is the discomfort we sense. We felt guilty.
The misconstrued idea that virginity is this special wrapped box that once given away can never be returned to you again is poisonous. There is no diamond-encrusted “object” linked to one’s virginity and there is no true and honest way to measure this concept, not even anatomically. As we grow up, women are taught that once you have sex for the very first time, you are physically altered for life. MYTH. As a matter of fact, according to the International Women’s Health Correlation, there is no one physical trait that indicates virginity or sexual activity, not even the presence of a “hymen.” A woman’s virginity is considered void once her hymen is broken; however, it is generally unknown that this skin-like covering can be torn due to sports activity, masturbation, or even the use of tampons. That being said, some women go to the extreme of having their hymens surgically replaced by means of vaginal rejuvenation. How screwed up is that?
Words like “slut” and “whore” are often used to describe women who are comfortable in their sexuality and their “non-virgin” status. In a 2005 study conducted by Vanderbilt, females are more likely to think of virginity as a gift to save and give only to a special person, while males tend to think of virginity as a stigma, something to get rid of as soon as possible. These gender differences are forged from the idea of virginity itself. The inherent evil of forced chastity and the harm it brings to both genders is much worse than engaging in sex itself. We are a culture obsessed with a concept that is perpetuated by its victims. The virginity myth hurts no one but ourselves.
Sex is not an immoral act. If done safely, and maturely, it can be an incredible experience. Virginity does not exist. It was invented by our society to oppress and demean us. If you feel like you are ready to partake in sexual intercourse, then that is completely up to you to decide when to do so. If you don’t feel like you are ready to have sex, and you want to wait until marriage someday, that’s perfectly okay too! After all, it’s your body, your rules!
And most importantly...
Sex should never, ever be about “losing” anything.
