Right now, I'm writing this article during one of the few weeks out of each year that I tend to find the hardest. For me, there are only very few days that I find hard, which for me are my grandfathers birthday and the day he died. Right now, I'm a few days away from his birthday, and even though it's been just about 14 years since I lost him, it doesn't get any easier. In fact, it's actually gotten harder for me, because looking back I realize just how little time I got with him.

And it sucks, it hurts more than anything else I've ever felt.

Both of my grandpas have passed, but I will admit that one of them I wasn't really close with, so the feelings don't replicate with him.

However, for the time I had with my other grandpa, we were so close that we were literally inseparable, so it devastated me as a child losing him, and I'm still devastated to this day.

He never really got to be there for a lot of huge life events, including graduations, birthdays, holidays, the shows I was in, and when huge life events happened like me going to work for Disney and more. Even though I know he was with there spiritually, it's not the same as him actually being there.

We never got to do a lot of the things we wanted to do together. Sure we had made so many memories together while he was alive, and honestly I still cherish them to this day. But there were so many things we missed out on together. I've learned that you really gotta take each moment you have with someone for granted because honestly you don't know when it's be someone's last.

I honestly didn't know that the last time I physically saw my grandpa, that'd be it, and that in my mind still destroys me.

However, I've also learned over the years that when someone you love is with God, they work as a team together to watch over you and to give you all of the strength, protection, and love they can give you. They become your guardian angel and they never leave you, I know that my grandpa has yet to leave my side.

I've also learned just how unfair death can be, even if it's something that's natural and we all have to accept it and accept God's decision to take someone. Every day I wish that I could bring him back to life, to do things with him and to hear his voice one more time. I know I can't do those things though, and even though I hate it, at some point I have to accept it.

I consider anyone who hasn't felt the pain of losing someone close to them as extremely lucky, because this is a pain I'd never wish on anyone.

Like I said, losing someone doesn't always get easier as life goes on, and honestly I've learned that that's okay. It's okay to feel sad and mourn them when you want. It's okay to miss them and want them back. That's just part of the lifelong grieving process, and that's okay.

What makes me okay is knowing that he's watching over me, and that I know he's proud of what I have accomplished in my life so far, and he'll continue to be proud up until the day we are reunited with each other.

When you lose your other half at such a young age, it hurts you so much, but it also brings you life lessons and moments that you may not have had otherwise.