So I've been noticing a trend lately in the world of intimacy and relationships: A lot of complaining.

In the past year or so, I've experienced a lot of friends venting about how they are never good enough for someone, or can never seem to get noticed, or haven't had sex in x amount of months, years, etc. I'm always open to listening. I understand them, and I sure do my fair share of complaining from time to time as well. What has really seemed to bother me lately is how truly upset people can get over a drought in their intimate lives. Young people, particularly ones that aren't in committed relationships, can knock themselves into a state of depression just from experiencing rejection.

This has left me with the conclusion that too many people seek validation through sexual or romantic attention. When some things aren't going our way in our world of intimate relations, we take it as a reflection on who we are as people. Some people truly begin to hate themselves after a while, and yeah, it's pretty sad.

Being the sophisticated philosopher that I am (I'm not), I wonder why so many people do this. Off of the top of my head I think of two reasons. One is that we set Internally high expectations for ourselves, and then when we can't meet them, we are kind of forced to view ourselves as worth less then we originally thought. The other, bigger reason is that society and the people around us set up expectations for us.

We all often feel a need to have a certain level of success in our intimate/sexual lives. Meaning we need to date or hook up with the right people the perfect amount of times. Not too often, but definitely not never. That standard is often set up by the people around us and societal norms. Obviously, the standards set up by people are not usually established maliciously. People can contribute to the social pressure revolving around sexuality without even knowing it. In college especially, this may lead us to feel we must reach a certain level of sexuality in order to be socially acceptable.

Allow me to elaborate with an example. When I showed up to college at 18, just out of a semi-serious relationship, I shocked a lot of people with the fact that I was still a virgin. This led to a lot of "we got to get you laid" comments because being a virgin was not part of the aesthetic that I portrayed. This pressure led me to act desperately and make a lot of dumb decisions when it came to trying to find girls. Once I had actually lost my virginity, I realized how many of those dumb, desperate decisions were a result of social pressure and a fear of being judged. At the end of the day, I was still me, with all the same positive qualities, whether I was a virgin or not.

I don't believe that we should reject intimacy all together, but I do believe we all should have more patients when it comes to finding the right person to be with,

even if it's not serious. It could really pay off in the end. We should always be analyzing what we really want, and try to stop validating ourselves through sexual attention as much as possible.

Overall, I just want everyone to know that the condition of your romantic lives has no true reflection on who you are as people. As friends, I think it is always important to remind our other friends who our down on their luck that they're awesome no matter what. Spreading love through friendship can't always fix the problem, but maybe it can help!