If anyone ever tries to tell you that long-distance relationships are easy, they are lying.
How do I know this? Well, I was born and raised in Indiana, went to undergrad in Florida and am currently residing in South Carolina for grad school. Because of this, I know a thing or two about long-distance relationships, as I have them with almost every single important person in my life, including my boyfriend of over a year. Long-distance takes its toll. It is inconvenient and makes your heart constantly ache. Long-distance tests relationships in ways nothing else can. It forces you to put in extra effort, money and time. It pushes you to realize (sooner rather than later) if the relationship you are trying to maintain is actually worth the investment. Long-distance is difficult; it gives you a better understanding of what it truly means to miss someone. It will show you whether someone is actually worth fighting for. Long-distance is by no means easy.That being said, long-distance can be incredibly worth it. I say "can be" because if you are trying to have a long-distance relationship with the wrong person, it isn't worth the effort, the time, or anything else for that matter.
So, how do you know if the relationship is worth it?
1. You plan your future together.
In a long distance relationship, you must evaluate your future together sooner than later. Why? Because of the investment. As I said before, long-distance takes more time, effort, and money than a normal relationship. You must travel to see one another, make time to FaceTime/Skype on a regular basis and try to include each other in your everyday life as much as possible. If, after four or five months of flying/driving to see one another, your significant other still won't discuss a future with you, something is off. If after a year or more, you still aren't having any "when we..." discussions, it is time to seriously reevaluate what you are doing together.
2. You want them to be friends with your friends and vice versa.
I hope this one makes (obvious) sense. Your friends are your friends for a reason. They are important to you and know you better than most people. Your significant other (S.O.) is your boyfriend/girlfriend for a reason and they, too, are important to you and should know you better than almost anyone. So, why wouldn't you want the most important people in your life to get along? Nothing makes my heart happier than when my boyfriend asks how my friends are doing, or when he personally wishes them happy birthday (and vice versa). He and I never make anyone feel like a third wheel as we understand the importance of being friends with each others' friends. How awkward would it be if your best man or maid of honor stood up to make a speech at your wedding but only knew the very basics about the person you are marrying? What if your boyfriend/girlfriend needs help picking out an engagement ring or gift for you, but has no one to contact? Think about it! It pays to have some mutual friends! Plus, if any of your friends are in relationships, double-dating can be the greatest thing ever.
3. You get along with their family and they with yours.
This can be hard when you're in a long-distant relationship, as you may not see each other's families very often. But, speaking from personal experience, you can win over the parents and siblings in a short amount of time. After over a year of dating, I have only met my boyfriend's parents on two occasions. Yet, they sent me a birthday gift and regularly ask how I am doing. My boyfriend has met my dad on three or four occasions, while only meeting my mom once, yet they are both wondering when we'll make our way down the aisle. Once you express to your family what your S.O. means to you and why, they start to invest in he/she as you do. Be open to FaceTiming/Skyping parents, or proactively scheduling a lunch or dinner date the next time you visit your S.O. (obviously once you feel comfortable doing so).
4. You don't get embarrassed easily when you're together.
It is embarrassing for me to admit that after only two or so months of dating, my boyfriend and I were already comfortable doing most things around one another. These things include: Peeing, farting, burping, talking about pooping habits and more. Of course, this timeline of "no longer embarrassed" differs from person to person, but if you are in a committed, serious relationship and still can't pee in front of one another after a year, I feel bad for you.
5. You appreciate your time together.
I sometimes go two or three months at a time without seeing my boyfriend. And even though it is extremely difficult, I do my best not to complain because I know that people have it worse than I do. Nothing bothers me more than when someone in a long-distance relationships complains about missing their S.O. but is able to see them on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. You truly have to appreciate what you have, while realizing just how lucky you are to have it.
6. Your relationship is stable.
Everyone argues. I get it. But, if you are arguing on a weekly basis and breaking up every so often, long-distance is not for you. You have to be able to go weeks, months, or however long without seeing each other. You have to be able to have extremely open and honest communication. You have to be respectful and mindful of your S.O. when they are not around. You have to respect your relationship as a whole. If you are never expressing your feelings, letting your emotions get the best of you, or acting in an inappropriate manner when your S.O. is absent, chances are your relationship won't last very long. And, if by some chance it does, there is a high probability that the relationship you are in is an unhealthy one. Like fire and gasoline, sometimes you just aren't compatible.
Long-distance is not easy and until teleportatation is invented, that won't change. But, my friends, with the right person, it can be worth it.
