There was no one who understood, or even cared about it nevertheless. My world had seemingly been turned upside down and, for the first time, he wasn't there to hug me.
My boyfriend and I met in high school. Small school, no more than 2,400 students. I knew of his existence through mutual friends, but it wasn’t until the summer before my junior year that we started dating. After a few dates, he asked me to be his girlfriend and we’ve been together since. Sounds like smooth sailing, doesn’t it? Well, college would ultimately prove us wrong. He would be attending the University of Washington, and I would attend the University of Portland, about three and a half hours apart. Texting and the occasional Skype dates will be enough, I thought. It had never occurred to me that long distance would be such a challenge.
Transitioning from high school to college is tough. You are thrown headfirst into this new environment and culture with faces that you’ve never seen before. You’re not a senior anymore, no, you’re a freshman. I would be lying to myself if I said that I hadn’t spent hours in my bed at the beginning, moping around. New friends and new experiences, but I wanted my old boyfriend. There are no words to fully explain the hardships this first year has brought me, but here are some lessons I learned through long distance dating.
1. Your friends (high school and college) will criticize your relationship.
I don’t know what it is, but people feel uncomfortable with the idea of couples being physically separate. It is important to form your own opinions and thoughts because no one else understands your relationship with your significant other more than you do. This can be tough, even for the most independent person.
2. Trust, in any relationship, is important.
As rational beings, we naturally love someone we already trust. For long distance relationships, trust helps to keep our emotions in check. And believe me when I say this, you are not going to know what your boyfriend or girlfriend is doing every second of the day. I have learned that you must be willing to just let go and simply put trust in your partner. It can be difficult when his friends are no longer friends with your friends and you are unable to attend parties together, but you just have to let it go. I’m sure this is something that you’ve heard a hundred times before, but it cannot be stressed enough.
3. Texting often leads to miscommunication.
Our generation is blessed to have such a wide means of communications, like FaceTime and Skype, which are not always fully utilized. Many couples still rely on texting as a primary form to “talk” to their partner. This, my modern friends, is the pitfall of long distance because arguments cannot be resolved via text message. So, be open, honest and try to hash out problems face-to-face. Tell your significant other if something is bothering you, how classes are going, what your plans are for the weekend and how much you miss them. In the end, they want to hear about your life as much as you want to hear about theirs.
4. Have your own life.
Long distance is weird. You are in a relationship, but you sometimes have to live like a single person. Not having my boyfriend around all the time allowed me to sign up for all the extracurricular activities, dress sloppy on the weekends, make new friendships and discover who I am. This independence makes long distance easier in that you are not codependent on your significant other; you are your own person. Plus, it's always amusing to hear stories about different interests.
5. Cherish those moments you do spend together.
Most importantly, do not spend your times together dwelling on the negatives. After many weeks apart, it is literally the best thing ever to see your significant other’s face. Some of my best and worst long distance memories involved me waiting at the BoltBus station, traveling between Washington and Oregon.
You will hear it over and over again, long distance relationships are unrealistic and never last. However, those of us in such relationships say otherwise. The long distance understanding, support and love is unlike any other. It is not an easy journey to take on, but you are not alone.
