I remember being so nervous to walk into my AP english class in eleventh grade because I didn’t know what was going to happen to me that day. I didn’t know what he was going to say to me or try to do to me that day that would make me visibly uncomfortable and the boys around me just laugh. I remember thinking that “today will be better, I won’t want to go to the guidance councilors because it’ll get better” and it just continuing to get worse.

I remember one day when I walked into class and he was the only one there. He came up to me and told me to hug him, to which I obviously said no. He didn’t care and just said “come on” and tried to hug me. I remember trying to push his arms away from me but his strength overpowered mine. That was the moment I realized if he wanted to hurt me he could.

Any time he made jokes in class about groping me or doing sexual things with me the boys around me would just laugh. I would get pissed and respond, to which these boys would just tell me he was joking and I was being a bitch. One of those boys said “you really get pissed at what he says, huh?”. I thought he was sincere and actually cared about me.

But then whenever that boy and I would hang out he would try to put his hands up my shirt or in my pants. He would try to make me kiss him and wouldn’t take no for an answer. He always wanted to know why, but the true reason why is because men don’t deserve affection for me if women don’t want to give it to them. There doesn’t need to be a reason why.

When the tape was released of Donald Trump saying he could “grab women by the pussy” because “when you’re a star they let you do it” it hit me. My experience with sexual harassment and assault isn’t as severe as it is with some of my friends but even the most minimal things can mean the most. Hearing a presidential candidate say he could assault women just because he’s him made me realize that’s what those boys in my class believed. They believed they could demean me and say whatever they wanted to me and it was my fault if I didn’t enjoy it.

Last night’s debate added to my disgust for Donald Trump. When asked about the tape, he responded by saying it was just “locker room talk” and tried to move the conversation to other topics. He didn’t say he was sorry or that what he said was wrong, when he offended any woman who has ever felt like her worth was lessened due to a man’s sexual comments toward her. The fact that Donald Trump passes off sexual assault as something that is just “locker room talk” is offensive.

Trump supporters try to argue and say that those tapes were released over a decade ago and he has changed since then. But I don’t think I should remind you that this is the same man who called Rosie O’Donnell a “slob” and said she had a “fat, ugly face” in 2006, who said “I do understand beauty, and [Angelina Jolie]’s not” in 2007, who called breastfeeding “disgusting” in 2011, who blamed sexual assault in the military on the fact that men and women are together in a tweet and continues to call many women in the media ugly based on appearances.

Donald Trump is never going to change, and his attitude is doing nothing more than perpetuating the thought that men can belittle women based on whatever they choose. His admitting to sexual assault doesn’t help his case either. There is nothing acceptable about sexual assault, and when you’re a presidential candidate the least you can do is try and apologize for your comments, not just call them “locker room talk”.

“Locker room talk” is what made those boys in high school believe they had a right to harass me and try to touch my body. Because of “locker room talk” boys continue to take my feelings for granted and will continue to do so until there is a change. Donald Trump is not leading that change, and as President of the United States he would make the nation worse for women. I would not be comfortable living in a nation where the leader has openly admitted to sexual assault and continues to demean my gender based on mostly physical attributes. I will always try to understand others’ political beliefs, but I won’t accept the belief that a sexist man named Donald Trump is the best choice for America.